Broken - The Leaves of Fall

Broken - The Leaves of Fall

I stood at the gate to the castle-like building before me.
Snow was falling, melting on my soft coat and in my wild, short and tangled hair.
The older man that held my hand stretched forward
And turned the key in the lock, fastened tightly on the metal, barred entry before us.
I suddenly noticed that the brick building had vast amounts of windows.
Will the same thing come to happen here, too?
It’s funny,
It’s sad.
Nobody wants me, so they send me to somebody else.
I wanted to laugh, wanted to scream.
But I found myself numbed.
Not only by the cold, biting cold that seeped through my still-useless jacket,
But numbed from emotion,
From mobility.
I decided I liked it, and wished to sit emotionless, quiet, unmoving for all time.
Numbed.
Silent.
Cold.
Dead.
Slipping a hand into my jacket
And clutching what lay inside,
I was thrust upon another world, another time.

Rigid cold filled the air,
Thick with the smell of Fall and broken leaves.
‘Mommy, you need to stay in bed! Doctor man says your sick, please lay down.’
Mother was ill, death resting above her head. But she stood before me.
‘Dearie, I have a surprise for you. Come and see.’
I took her hand.
I loved surprises.
On that fifth floor of the tall apartment we had,
I was clueless as to what surprises I would get.
Giggling childishly, I hopped about.
‘Is mommy going to play my song? On the piano? I love that song, mommy.
Please play it for me!’
She shook her head.
‘I have something else for you today. Be good and sit down for me, ok?’
She sounded perfectly fine.
But something was terribly wrong.
I sat on the worn, old couch. The only one we had.
She walked to the table we ate at,
Picking up a small box that rested on its surface.
It fit in the palm of my hand snugly, and I slid the top off.
A golden necklace with a small, heart charm was inside,
Spread on the cotton that softened the box.
I was glad.
‘Oh, that’s not all, I almost forgot.’
‘I’m going to teach you a song, so listen carefully.’
She walked to the window, pushing up its frame.
She picked me up in her arms,
Even though I was a little big for her to carry.
Sticking my head out the window
And then my body,
I could see the stars,
Speckling the sky
Like sugar spilled on a marble floor.
I wasn’t supposed to go out into the cold,
Doctor man said it was not good for me.
Mommy’s voice suddenly sounded scary.
‘Surprise.’
Her arms were suddenly gone
And air was the only thing under me.
The screaming and whistling of the wind did sound like a song,
Even though the pounding of my heart muted it slightly.
It was pretty, although it hinted at death.
I realized the wind wasn’t the only one screaming.

No longer did I enjoy surprises.
No longer did I look out any windows, no matter what floor I was on.
I stayed off the fifth floor of all buildings.
However,
Fall remained my favorite season.
The season, the feeling it gave.
The feel of warmth from the sun
And the cold, mocking aura of winter.
The warmth of those who love you,
The children and caretaker of the orphanage,
And the cold, mocking laugh of my mother,
Mimicking the cracking of dead leaves, she only laughed
As I fell and broke on the ground.

I remained broken for the rest of my life.