|
|
The Darkness that Lingers
Her fingertips lightly brushed across her neck before they took a more delicate grip on the two bones supporting her air tubes. It could be so easy to break her neck. So easy to leave this wretched world behind. A world she never felt she truly belonged in. How could such a pathetic and useless creature as herself be considered of any help at all to this damaged and corrupted planet? It would be so easy…Just to die. Sure people would mourn her death, but they would move on. They would forget about her. After all, she really was just a shadow.
Still her hold on her neck remained gentle. Something was holding her back. Was it the strong desire to live that she had had since before she could remember? Was she scared to actually harm herself? Or was it something else? Faces flashed before her green-blue eyes. Faces of the people she loved. Faces of people she wanted to meet. Faces she wished would come back into her life.
‘I can’t leave them…I could never break their hearts by ending my wretched life…’
‘But they’ll only end up forgetting you in the end. It’s happened before. One day you’re the most important person to them, and then the next they find someone else, leaving you alone in the darkness. Your species is so fickle. They only run on their desires and needs.’
‘But…They love me…’
‘The others loved you too…or so they said. Accept it. You are nothing but a doll. You are loved, but then tossed away when the person matures or finds something better.’
‘But…’
‘This world isn’t right for you. You’re a human who loves purely. You are odd and never love with lust. You are unusual and your species hates that. That’s why you will never be happy in this place. And when you finally find that person who every human says they are searching for, they will not accept you. You realize this and if they do, somehow, accept you, you will only let them go.’
‘I am weak…’
‘You are human. And yet at the same time you aren’t. Does your species really need such a person? They’re corrupted enough as it is.’
Falling to knees, her hands moved away from her neck and covered her face. Tears streamed from her eyes as fought with her own mind. Every day this happened. Every day that other side of her told her over and over. ‘You are useless. They are better off without you.’ And yet the love she had for her own life as well as everyone precious to her battled furiously with the darkness. Many times she was confused. Which side? ‘Which side should I go to?’ Both had appealing outcomes and both had horrible consequences.
And when the darkness felt like it would win at last, there was always a ray of light struggling to shine on her. The number varied, but there was always at least one. One person trying to reach for her. Always trying to save her. Even if it was one tiny light, it was enough to pull her out of the engulfing darkness. It was enough to make her live through another day.
But when…? When would the darkness finally leave her alone? When would the rays of light combine into one and chase away the blackness completely? And at these times a different self would speak to her. Comfort her.
‘It’ll be alright. Just have hope. The love you share with your precious ones will get you through. Just believe…’
‘…I’ll try. I will try.’
But please don’t leave me alone in the dark…
|
|
Comments