I wish I never left- Chapter 1

by natsumi456

in Completed Works

I wish I never left- Chapter 1

I wish I never left

By, Natsumi456

Chapter 1
Oh my god!

“Wake up!” I heard my mother yell.

“10 more minutes” I groaned.

I heard my mother pounding on the door, but ignored it.

“Maiko!! Open this door!!” my mother yelled.

I started to get frustrated. I was already lost in my own thoughts. How dare she call me Maiko! I already told her yesterday that I changed my name to Bailey!! I hate my name, I thought angrily in my head.

While I was thinking about how much I hated my name, I could barely hear what my mom was saying.

“I mean, what kind of daughter stays in bed until 7:20! Then you would only have 15 minutes to get dressed!! That’s just impossible!!” I heard my mom say.

I groaned one last time and jumped out of bed, literally. I stomped over to my door and slammed it open. I glared at my mothers dark brown eyes.

“I get it! Now, let me get dressed in peace!” I screamed.

Before my mom could answer, I had already closed my door in her face, or, I should say slammed it in her face. I could hear a faint “ow” as I walked back towards my bed.

I sat down on my bed for 5 minutes, thinking about what today’s events were.

“Ok, so, I have a Science and Math test today. The Football game is tonight, and the dance is after the game. Hm…. I don’t think I’ll go to either” I said to myself.

I quickly ran over to my closet and picked out a light blue t-shirt, denim jeans, and a dark jacket. I put on my shoes and ran over to my mirror to brush my hair. After I finished brushing my hair and teeth, I looked at myself in the mirror.

“There she is again” I whispered. I didn’t think I was very pretty, but in my reflection was a beautiful 15 years old, soon to be 16.

I smiled. The girl had long wavy brown hair, brown eyes, and perfect skin. Even her nose was perfect.

I sighed. “No wonder all of the guys ask me out” I whispered.

“Maiko!!!” my mother screamed.

“It’s Bailey!” I screamed in frustration.

I hurriedly ran downstairs. I grabbed my backpack off of the countertop and ran over to the door, ignoring my mom. I didn’t want to glare at her, I wasn’t in the mood for another fight.

“What about breakfast?” my mother asked worriedly. Just like her. She always worries more about what I eat than anything else. I don’t know why though.

“I’ll just pick up a bagel from the Starbucks down the street” I said as I ran through the door. I could hear a faint “bye” as I left.

I ran all the way to school, which only took me 10 minutes. I searched the schoolyard. Then I finally found the person I was looking for. I grinned and tackled a young girl with strawberry blonde hair. She gasped, in what I thought was in surprise. I was wrong.

I giggled and got up. My friend stayed on the ground. I narrowed my eyes. Maybe she is asleep… no… she can’t be… it has to be something else, I thought.

I quickly nudged her. “Catherine?” I asked in a wary voice. I started to feel a tear running down my left cheek when she didn’t move. I stared to sob.

Then I felt myself fall backwards, with somebody on me. I opened my wet eyes, to see Catherine’s green eyes looking at me. I gasped and shoved her off of me.

“How could you do that to me!! Again!!” I nearly screamed, but I didn’t want to attract too much attention. Catherine giggled.

“ It’s just so much fun, though!!” she laughed. I glared at her as the bell rang and ran off to class.

At 6:00 at night….

“How could you mom!!” I screamed.

“I am only saying that there is nothing to be mad about” she said calmly.

“How could you say that!! Dad died only 4 years ago, and you think its ok to start dating again?!” I yelled.

Luckily, my little brother was asleep, taking his nap.

My mother had asked me if it was ok if she invited her BOYFRIEND over for dinner. I did not like that.

“If you do, then I’ll leave! I’ll run away!” I threatened.

My mom’s tears ran down her face.

Before I knew it, she slapped me.

I touched my hot cheek. I don’t believe it. Mom has never slapped me before, not even hit me. She slapped me over a guy, I thought.

Before my mom could say anything else, I ran outside. I ran down the street. I ran, and ran, and ran. I finally stopped when I came to a crossing road.

“Almost there” I whispered. I was running downtown. I wanted to visit an old friend.

As I ran across, not looking if any cars were coming, I ran.

Then suddenly, I saw a bright light and felt pain in all over my body. I gasped out in pain, and fell to the ground.

………………………

“Where am I?” I asked groggily.

Nobody answered.

I got up, though it felt like I was on air.

I quickly looked at my surroundings. I was on air!!

OMG! Why am I floating!, I thought frantically in my head.

I looked at the ground, where I saw a lifeless body, surrounded by at least 10 people, including medics.

That girl looks a lot like me. But, she can’t be…. Maybe she is… I don’t know! I have to find out, I thought.

I floated down towards the body. It can’t be me, I thought in my head.
Someone’s in denial, I heard in my head. I turned around.

“Who’s there! Show yourself” I yelled.

I heard a giggle and grunt, but I saw nothing.

“When it’s the right time, we will. Now, weren’t you going to do something?” a perky voice said.

I shuddered. Somehow, that perky voice was very scary.

I looked down at the body.

“It is me” I whispered.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t.

“What happened to me” I asked myself

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Description

Sep 21st 2008
Tags:
death fantasy fantasy romance romance
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2
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Ok, so here is my latest story. Also, the picture is Maiko(Bailey). It took me a long time to find the perfect picture, I even had to change a few of her details! I am so frustrated!! So, I know I put this under Romance, the romance will come in a different chapter! I hope you like this story!

Comments

Sato Ayako Says:

This sounds like a pretty interesting story. I don't know if you're after detailed critiques or something else, but I think you need to watch it with dialogue tags.

For example, '"It is me," I whispered', while almost grammatically correct, isn't as strong writing as, say, '"It is me," I said into nothing.' Or "'It is me." I felt like someone had cut a big hole in me.' Other tags I noticed were: "asked", "yelled", "threatened", "screamed". There are other problems, but since you didn't mention you wanted a big critique, I won't mention anything else. (If you want a little more detail, feel free to ask.)

Normally, I wouldn't say anything really constructive when the writer didn't ask for it, but when I read the first four or five paragraphs of your story, I noticed a very good rhythm and voice hidden under some awkward constructs. I would hate to leave a comment without something constructive then.

Sometimes Bailey came off too strong (ie--a total jerk), and the mother was kind of dorky. I did rather enjoy the read, however, because the pace was fast and the characters developed for all their overbearing traits.

Nanook Says:

Ah, yes, the famed and fabled sixteen-year-old Mary Sue.
Please, make your characters a little more loveable. It's hard to sympathize with a hanous bitch.
Also, Starbucks doesn't sell bagels.