The night was irrelevant. The two partially developed brothers pressed against one another, forced to share the small space. Yet they loved the space, for it was their first home. It kept them warm, rocked them to sleep, fed them, and blinded them with darkness so that they would never notice their developing nakedness. They loved their space, because this space was provided by their mother to whom they were attached in both body, heart and soul. Her blood pumped in their veins, and the two brothers swore to themselves that they would one day care for their mother the way she had for them.
One pushed his hand against that of his twin. The thin membranes prevented complete touch, but the warmth provided the same comfort. They could feel the outline of their stubby fingers, and it soothed them. Their fingers curled together, the first secret handshake of their lives. They laughed together- and they could feel the laughter ripple through the fluid and tickle their softly beating hearts. Though the fluid rendered them silent, they babbled and cooed constantly. They eagerly awaited the day they would see light for the first time- together still.
The one brother ceased to laugh. His eyes shook within his sockets, and the ripple tore through his brother's soul. Neither of them understood the screaming- but terror struck them all the same. The one brother suffered, twisting against the wall of their home. His foot pushed against it- struggling to escape the demon that possessed him. His twin shuddered at the sight, reaching out to his brother to restore the comfort they had always known. They struggled to grip one another for safety, their hearts crying to their mother to save them.
The brother screamed in confusion and horror. He flailed within the space, struggling to encourage a response from his twin. His brother's torment ceased, yet he could feel at rest. He pushed his hand against the membrane to clutch his brother in his arms, but his brother slipped and the ripples pushed him away. The brother kicked against the membrane to reach his dearest of kin. He flailed hopelessly, his heart calling to his cooling twin.
"See Tina?" Her friend laughed. She rubbed her friends large belly with a drunken smile. "They're still kicking. Told you that babies could hold their liquor."
Wow.... That is incredibly powerful, and unfortunately the sad truth about how sick some people are today... I'm going to feature this story for September. :)
To be fair, at least you're doing something different. And, also, the ending came out crisp and clear.
I do have a few stylistic complaints, though.
The first paragraph overuses the word "space." Actually, as far as I could count, the word was used four times in a hundred word paragraph, which shows a certain lack of self-awareness in writing. Check it over before continuing and you'll find the problem goes away quite quickly.
Scientifically speaking, alcohol probably wouldn't kill a fetus in the womb, and if there was such a significant quantity in there, it would harm both brothers equally. That's kind of splitting hairs, but a little research goes a long way where fiction is concerned.
Comments
Chypha Says:
Major Says:
Wow.... That is incredibly powerful, and unfortunately the sad truth about how sick some people are today... I'm going to feature this story for September. :)
Nanook Says:
To be fair, at least you're doing something different. And, also, the ending came out crisp and clear.
I do have a few stylistic complaints, though.
The first paragraph overuses the word "space." Actually, as far as I could count, the word was used four times in a hundred word paragraph, which shows a certain lack of self-awareness in writing. Check it over before continuing and you'll find the problem goes away quite quickly.
Scientifically speaking, alcohol probably wouldn't kill a fetus in the womb, and if there was such a significant quantity in there, it would harm both brothers equally. That's kind of splitting hairs, but a little research goes a long way where fiction is concerned.
The Icee One Says:
D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:< D:<
hooligans87 Says:
Wow, this is touching! It especially touches me because I myself am a twin. Thanks for doing my request!