between the lines

by jadisofeternity

in Completed Works

< 'daylily' by jadisofeternity

between the lines

I long for warmth
we once held close
baring all in midnight candle-light
dancing in laughter
filled with foolishness
and remembering
lives given in truth
love given to any taker
undiscriminating
we hid our sensual toes
in shifting sand.

We never stood secure
on common ground
but once
we reached across the gulf of loneliness
which separates stranger from stranger
and gave way to friendship
for a little while

but now
we fall into
no way
across the ever-deepening canyon
which grows between us
now
not strangers
worthy rivals
fortified with walls and points
while torrents of anger and tears
tear the trench deeper
leave you more distant
and leave me alone.

The walls erode
the stony banks
fall steeply to the shore
but words and ways
do not amend.
Amen
to all we ever knew that we held dear:
nothing
built on rocks
and questioning
which crumbled
into sand.

Description

Jul 14th 2008
Tags:
ambiguity angst general human nature philosophical romance society
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this is another of the poems I want some feedback on, trying to figure out which of several to use on a school project.

need to know if these are good enough to consider using for the project or not, basically

preveiw image is a photo of a hail stone taken by candlelight because the electricity was out due to the hailstorm, and though it was mid afternoon it was too dark outside for a photo because of the storm

Comments

BlackHawk049 Says:

nice job dude u should deff use this ^^

Minstrel Ayreon Says:

I think it would help me, as far as project advice, if I knew what the assignment called for.

Alexiel Krahe Says:

The cut of the last few lines (And generally through the poem) is just in the right place, I think. It feels very honest. Simple, as if you were actually talking to the other person.

doc tor nec ros Says:

You're actually an alright poet. It's so scary seeing some form of poetry on the internet that isn't angsty.