The Past

The Past

At first I was mean, a total ass,
And no matter what, I would always harass.
But as time passed hatred faded,
And after a year it was completely jaded.
We met again, completely anew,
And over time a friendship grew.
We were just new friends, not very close,
We just talked in class at the very most.
But suddenly one day she caught my eye,
And at that time I wanted me and her to be nigh.
It was weak at first but then grew strong,
When she walked home I’d tag along.
She would head home and together we would walk,
And at night, over IM, we would always talk.
But then I just needed her to know,
And I hoped it did not end in woe.
When I did tell her she was completely unfazed,
This made me relieved and completely amazed.
She said she was unsure of her feelings,
And as she decided I was unsure of our dealings.
That is when I first started to have doubts,
But I always tried to think of other routes.
As we hung out my feelings grew stronger,
And I wanted to be with her longer and longer.
Eventually she said no but said we could still be friends,
And that I believe was the beginning of the end.
Paranoia grew and I thought I was scorned,
So every night I quietly mourned.
But even in rejection I just liked her even more,
And unless I was with her I always felt sore.
I finally realized how strong my feelings really were,
I loved her, I did, but I knew our feelings would differ.
I was hesitant to tell her what I was thinking,
And as thought my confidence was slowly shrinking.
At first I wanted to keep quiet about it all,
But my heart said “No” and not to stall.
So I resolved to tell her, no matter what,
But whenever I tried my mouth would stay shut.
Eventually she knew, though not how I planned,
Though I do not think she did fully understand.
I wrote her poems to show how I feel,
For, my happiness, I knew I could not conceal.
I was glad that she knew, though nervous at first,
No matter what I always feared for the worst.
Time passed on as if nothing had changed,
But we could never hang out when I tried to arrange.
Eventually she admitted that I scared her slightly,
That shook my world not-so lightly.
And over time I began to believe,
That all she wanted for me to leave.
So, I decided to leave her alone,
She was happier that way for all I known.
Yet out the blue she invited for me to hang out with her.
I was so happy just to play or talk or whatever she’d prefer.
I would always leave in a very good mood,
And for a time we would never feud.
Then all of a sudden, she had a boyfriend,
One that I am sure I would never contend.
I said before that I would never mind,
If someone else’s life entwined.
And at first there was no pain,
But late that night tears fell like rain
It hurt me so much just to see them cuddle,
I could have made quite the puddle.
Though after a time they were no longer together,
So I decided to try, my feelings as tough as leather.
I know not what happens after this night,
But the future itself is not looking bright.