Jay & Meds

This here is an adaption to the ancient Greek play "Medea" by Euripides. Mi amigo, Christoph, and I wrote and recorded everything here, except for Spongebob theme thing. This was done for an English class. This whole thing is about bumbs and crackheads. Yay!
JAY AND MEDS
By Christopher Rivera & Mark Griffin
CHARACTERS:
DOC - Nosey, Immature bum - Mark
RANDOM BUM - Nosey hoodlum - Chris
JAY - Drug-dealing bum - Chris
RANDOM MAN - Angry car-owner - Chris
MEDS - Old crack-head, ex-nurse - Chris
CREOLA - Angry Drug Dealer - Mark
CREOLA’S CHILD - Chris

All material written by Christopher Rivera & Mark Griffin
All music written, played, and recorded by Mark Griffin except for “Spongebob Squarepants” which is © Nickelodeon

PLACE:
A Downtown Alleyway

(DOC, covered in rags and a Power Rangers blanket, is staring at Jay and Meds for interrupting his focus on Spongebob through an apartment window. He watches them walk down the street into a crowd, admiring what he sees.)

DOC: Them cargo pants been swishin’ and swashin’ all across this vast sea of peoples. I wish I had them c-argo pants… I hate these over-alls. It’s so dang hot out here!

(Car drives by blasting the hip-hop hit, “Booty Butt Cheeks”)

DOC: But them twos been interruptin’ my Spongebob time with their yappin’. I can see the television through the Creola kid’s window, he’s the dealer ‘round here. The other month he was arguing with Meds ‘cause she don’t got the money to pay for her stuff. The other guy, Jay, said he help her out if she help him. (chuckle, cough, fart). They fell in old puppy dog love, all sleepin’ together in the shelter, makin’ all kinds of nasty talk!

(Car revs up, disrupting the peace by honking the horn, and then crashing. RANDOM MAN yelling “Yo, yo! No! Eh yo! Hey! Hey-you wanna get shot?! You wanna get shot man?)

DOC: I hear Jay owe Creola money too… and Meds be tryin’ to protect him. I see that crazy stuff! He gives her what she needs, and she hide him out. She crazy addicted! That’s why they call her Meds! I know nothing’ ‘bout Jay, other than “he da deala” … a broke one at that!

(The acquaintance bum friend of DOC appears walking around the corner after over-hearing DOC’S rant.)

RANDOM BUM: Yo, holla at’chya’ boy! You talkin’ ‘bout them two? I just heard them yellin’ an’ stuff. Apparently Jay been caught whorin’ out some other chick and stuff …

DOC: Oh damn …

RANDOM BUM: … and cut off Meds’ supply, you know?

DOC: Oh, oh he’s dead!

RANDOM BUM: (teeth sucking noise) She straight heated.

DOC: She’s too crazy for this!

RANDOM BUM: I don’t wanna talk about it now, I’ll see ya’ later. Yo, you got a dolla?

(MEDS, dressed casually broke, sitting on a few boxes next to a dumpster in the alley. The sounds of crows hovering above. An eerie sound disrupts the calm.)

MEDS: (Sigh) Why?! Why would he do this to me after all I have given him? (angry) I keept him safe and all he did for me is keep me messed up! Oh-oh he was trippin’! Uh-huh … Now I’m trippin’ all over him. He’s done! He can’t support me, but he can support some trash he picked up to get him money?! I wasn’t good enough!? No- All he cares about is his money … I got him whatever he wanted when he was too afraid. When did he suddenly became too good for me? I was a nurse, I had a life! He never did anything! My life was a mistake, but he is a mistake in himself. He won’t be making anymore money. I’m going to find that cash cow, and she’ll never take another pill again. She won’t wake up (nervous giggle). Oh, and then, all these two cats … I never even liked them. They were his only true friends, that pathetic bastard.

(Meow)
(Foot stomp)

MEDS: Get away from me! I am going to make sure I never have to hear any of you beg for scraps ever again. I’m gunna break both ya’ll legs! Then I’m gunna shove chocolate cake in yo’ mouths and watch you die!

DOC: Oh, shyut up! You and yo’ two cats are interruptin’ my Spongebob time! Get away…

MEDS: Oh hell naw!

DOC: and take that hippideh dippideh music with you!

MEDS: Oh heck no! You can’t talk to me like that, this aint none of yo’ business!

DOC: But if I miss it we’re all gunna die!

MEDS: Get out my face!

DOC: Okay, okay! Shh …

(Music fades out as the Spongebob theme appears. DOC begins to sing with it)

Are you ready kids!?
DOC: Yeah!
I can’t hear you!
DOC: I said “yeah“!
Ooooh …
DOC: Who lives in a dumpster out in the street!? I do, I do!
Background Bums: He does, he does!

DOC: Fighting other bums for their scraps and their eats!? I do, I do!
Background Bums: He does, he does!

DOC: My natural nonsense be something you wish!
Background Bums: Ooh yeah!/Spongebob Square Pants!

DOC: H-hey! Hey, where’s he goin’? Get away from the TV! Hey, we can’t see! Ah! Hey … what’re you doin’? (knocking on window) He-Hey!

CREOLA’S CHILD: Dad!

DOC: Ooh, you’re dead! (tapping on window)

CREOLA’S CHILD: Dad! Dad!

(DOC smashes the window in using pure mental power. Maybe some physical power, too. CREOLA responds to his child‘s call and enters the room immediately.)

CREOLA’S CHILD: What the f-!?

CREOLA: Yo, what happened?

DOC: Uh-oh …

CREOLA: Who the hell broke all this glass?

DOC: Um … nuffin’ …uh.

CREOLA: Who are you?

DOC: This was just a misunderstandin’ here, see. I was just watchin’ my daily fix of Spongebob, and I … uh …

CREOLA: I don’t care what you were doin’!

DOC: Isn’t that Jay!? I’m out! (feet scampering)

CREOLA: Jay, did you put that crack-head up to this?

JAY: Huh?

CREOLA: I need to talk to you, come here.

JAY: Nah, I gotta go real quick, Meds is-
CREOLA: Stop! I believe you’ve got something for me.

JAY: Yeah, yeah, yeah … I got it, I got it, I got it.

CREOLA: (clearing throat) Good. So, how’s that new girl I loaned you? She reeling in the green?

JAY: I guess … but I’m- I’m sorry, I really have to go see Meds.

CREOLA: What’cha mean, Jay? You haven’t been rollin’ in the dough that well lately. I guess you’ve been givin’ a little off the top to Meds, eh? Am I wrong? Huh? Huh, Jay!? Alright, I’ve had enough of this, Jay. I gots kids to feed, windows to fix, and bums to shoot. I’m not helping’ you out until you help yourself by getting’ rid of that crack-head parasite, eatin‘ up all my merchandise.

JAY: No, you got it all wrong, man. I haven’t even talked to her in days, I don’t even know her anymore. Matter-of-fact, I was gunna see her to get the money she owes me for the stuff she took.

CREOLA: Oh, is that a fact!? Then you wouldn’t mind if I came along to help recollect my stuff, and my money, hm?

JAY: Nah, nah, nah … no problem, man.

DOC: (and random bums) Intermission!

JAY: Meds? Meds? Hey! Hey, what are you doin’?

MEDS: Oh, nothing … just baking.

JAY: Baking what?

MEDS: Oh, nothing … just chocolate cake.

CREOLA: Oh, shut up both of you and give me my stuff!

JAY: Get over it! You owe me some stuff, Meds! Hand it over now!

MEDS: Here, I hope you choke on them you ass! Get bent, Jay!

JAY: Yeah, whatever, you’ll be crawling back to me as usual.

MEDS: Ugh, is that all? I gave you what you wanted, leave me alone.

JAY: Oh, I’m not done with you yet. I’ll be back later to get my cats, and then I’m gone.

CREOLA: Oh, that’s so nice and all, but … the stuff? (pill bottle shake as JAY hands it over) Great, I’ll be seein’ you soon, boy.

(Music fades out, CREOLA is now in his home. CREOLA opens up the bottle of pills and takes one)

CREOLA: Hm … this better be my stuff or Jay will have to personally kill that rat, Meds. I’m so tired of his crap … (sigh) … (gulp/choke/faint/die)

(DOC has been staring through the broken windowsill, and decides to climb through)

DOC: Huh … What, what? Hey! Gimme them Tims! No … I need them socks!

(It is getting dark and the streets are quiet. JAY is with his prostitute)

JAY: (Sigh) I need a pick-me-up. Uh … no … Ho, you want this?

(Prostitute takes the pill, and then starts choking. She falls down dead.)

JAY: Hey! Woah, what’s wrong? Oh my god, she’s dead! What the hell is in this? Wait … these aren’t the pills, these ar- these are cyanide capsules! Ah, damn it, Meds! Wait … if … aw, crap! Creola must be dead too! Meds, you b*tch!

(JAY leaves to go find Meds.)

MEDS: (Giggle) Eat it! Die, die! Don’t struggle, your legs will break unevenly! (giggle) No more scraps for you, just death and cake! Stop bleedin’ on me! Nah! This is for your own good! No one can support you! I needs the cat food for myself! Ah, look at that! He died with his eyes open! Poor little Garfield. Aw, look, it’s … he’s so much cuter dead. (sniff) Smells like mayonnaise.

JAY: Meds! Meds!

MEDS: (chuckle) You’re too late, Jay. Everyone around you is dying. There’s no goin’ back now (giggle)

JAY: Why!? Why, you crack-head? You’ve … you’ve taken all I have. Why? You couldn’t get enough of them drugs, now you want vengeance, for what? Oh God, I have nothing, I’m ruined!

MEDS: (chuckle) You’ve done this to yourself, and now you’re goin’ to die an old and lonely dog.

JAY’S MOM: Hey … wake up. Wake up, Jay!

JAY: Uh … (yawn) Oh, hey, Mom. I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I was in like … my mid-thirties, and I sold rocks. Then I had like … a prostitute, and I owed mad money! Then like, my crazy bum-lover killed all the people and kittens I knew. Then there was like … a crazy bum ‘who talked like this’, and he kept watchin’-

DOC: Damn it, tell our son to shut up! Tryin’ to watch Spongebob!

(Spongebob theme starts playing)

DOC: Heeeell yeaaaaaah, booooy!