Karolina Life as a Vampire Chapter 17

Karolina Life as a Vampire Chapter 17

SEVENTEEN

Erik and I avoided each other for the next few days. It wasn’t as bad as the last time, a “hello” here or there but nothing else. The most Erik and I had talked was when I asked him for Katja’s number and I asked permission to go with her on Friday. Alex made no effort to contact me or anyone else within the coven. All I had was a name of a vampire whom I’ve never met before as means of his location. I was willing to give him the space that he needed, however, he couldn’t hide from me forever.
I was sitting in the study deeply engrossed in a book; it was the last volume in the Lord of the Rings series. I was deep within its pages when I heard a small rap on the door frame. It took me a few seconds to finish the sentence I was on before looking up to find Colken staring at me. I had never seen his piercing sapphire eyes look so human before. The ice had been melted but stored somewhere else for later use. I opened my mouth to ask him what he needed when he interrupted me.

“If you don’t mind sparing a few moments, I would like to explain myself.” Colken spoke softly. I tossed the bookmark in the book and shut it without a second thought.
“I don’t mind, what’s to be explained?” I asked getting up from my seat. Colken brought his journal out from behind his back. “Ah, I see.”
“There’s no use in denying that you’ve witnessed its contents, all I can do is explain in the hopes that you will believe me.” He lowered his eyes.
“I won’t doubt a word.” I promised and I followed him out on to the patio outside. He stood with his back to me as I took a seat. He seemed to be struggling with himself. Like he didn’t know where to begin.
“I’m not a murderer.” He spoke at last. His words wobbled between uncertainty and confidence. I could have tipped the scale with my finger. “I’m not a murderer.” He repeated, this time more sure of himself. He turned to face me now. “I can say those words only now, but back then I held the blame on my shoulders. I’ve worn this mask so long that I’ve forgotten who I was underneath it.” I stayed quiet as he spoke. The inner struggle for words was painful to watch. “I assume Erik told you that he had been sneaking off to be with Ryan. That much I know you have within your knowledge, what you probably don’t know is that Mr. Tavis had found out-not that Erik was a vampire, of course-just that Ryan was with another man. He was furious, being a Christian man, he wanted to disown him. However Ryan being his only son and heir to his plantation he arranged a marriage between him and Elizabeth. Elizabeth was a wealthy and a pure Christian woman, Mr. Tavis hoped she would turn him from the path of eternal damnation. When Ryan told Erik of the news he demanded Erik change him. Erik refused. His reasoning being that it would be cowardly, that he would be running away from his duty. Erik promised that they would find a way to be together.” Colken sat down in the empty seat, the journal clasped in his hands, his eyes focused on its leather surface. “Erik also wanted to have proof of Ryan’s true feelings for him. He didn’t want to change Ryan because of the pressing matter over their heads, he wanted it for love. So one night I went out to the Tavis estate and met with Ryan out back. I tried to persuade him that marrying Elizabeth was his duty and that the life of a vampire is not a life at all. It’s full of pain and suffering. He denied every word. He turned everything I said against me, calling me a hypocrite. That I had turned Erik and Evol into vampires. Why should it have made a difference? He asked me.” He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. “Blinded by my anger I shouted at him. I hadn’t realized that Mr. Tavis had stormed out of the house with a gun and inquired as to what was going on. I don’t remember what I was yelling at Ryan only that I heard a gun shot. Ryan pushed me out of the way, the bullet would not have killed me, he was acing on instinct. He was shot in the head, instant death. There was nothing I could have done, not even the blood would have saved his life. The gun shot woke up the entire house, Mr. Tavis threw the gun at my feet and shouted ‘MURDERER!’ frightened I did the only thing I could think of. I ran. When I reached the house I told Erik that in my jealous rage I had killed him.”
“Why? Why take the blame for something you didn’t do?” I asked, trying to understand why he would put that burden on his shoulders.
“If I hadn’t Erik would have killed Mr. Tavis, I’m sure of it. He would be nothing more than the monstrous names the church has slandered us with.” Colken put the book on the table, looking me in the eye.
“You shouldn’t have to lie to the people that you love, especially Erik.”
“If I hadn’t been there, if I hadn’t lost my temper Ryan would be alive. Erik would have his happiness.”
“Instead you both lived 300 years and hated each other for something you didn‘t do!” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“The sacrifice of being a vampire is that you give up happiness.” Colken looked off to the side at Evol’s rose bushes.
“I refuse to believe that.” I didn’t look at him. Silence fell around us until he spoke up again.
“May I finish my tale?” He asked. I nodded. “Erik hit his depression then, he wanted to end it all. Much like you he tried to go into the sun. I followed him to Ryan’s grave and waited to see if he was going to go through with it. The sun started to kiss the horizon and that’s when I knew I was going to lose him. I had to save him…” Colken trailed off.
“I know.” I murmured. Colken looked at me confused.
“How?” He asked.
“I saw you save him when I was being changed. A few memories were transferred to me during that time.”
“It’s to be expected. Erik learned of my feelings when I changed him. Evol had a few memories flow into her as well.”
“What happened after Erik tried to commit suicide?” I was curious, changing the subject slightly.
“From what Erik had relayed to me about your episode you two had similar cases. He despised everyone, me in particular; he was a mess of emotions. He clawed his way to the sun once, Evol and I dragged him back to the shadows to find his right arm burned. The skin started to peel off. Took him at least two nights to completely heal. His scars faded with time.”
“I didn’t know Erik had done that.” Colken nodded. “I’m sorry that you had to carry that heavy burden for centuries. I can’t imagine what it must be like to know the truth to something like that. Colken you have to tell him the truth, get it off your chest. You’ve suffered long enough.” I reached over to touch his hand, my fingertips caressed his soft skin. He pulled away slightly.
“Why? What difference would it make? It won’t change anything.” Colken withdrew his hands from the table completely. “He has you now, he loves you. He’s happy.”
“You’re not.” He flinched at my words, like it pained him to have someone else care about him. He grumbled as he harshly rose from his seat, the iron feet scraping against the stone. He stood with his back to me.
“Our friendship is tainted, Erik and mine.” Colken ran his fingers through his blonde hair. “We haven’t had a decent conversation for nearly two hundred years, maybe more. We no longer hear each other’s thoughts.”
“You shut him out?” I asked.
“No!” Colken whipped around. “He locked the door on me. My connection is still open.”
“You are completely cut off.”
“I, at least, can sympathize how Erik must feel, to have the connection open but the other party does not comply.” I knew he was talking about me.
“I have my reasons.” I stood up and limited the distance between us until we stood face to face. “I want to apologize for my actions that night I confessed your secrets.” Colken’s eyes twitched as he remembered. “I want to make it up to you by trying to relieve you your pain.”
“Such a heavy burden for one so young, and so foolish.” Colken grumbled.
“You are family after all, and I hate to see family suffer. I love you Colken. I care about you, even though you may not show it, I know you care about me too.” He was about to protest when I closed the gap and held him in an embrace. He tensed up his hands gripping my shoulders to push me away. Though he wanted to toss me aside and tear me to pieces he shocked my entire being when his arms came around me. I gave a little jump and squeaked. He chuckled. The world was going to end any minute now. He was laughing and not at me with cruelty. The hug was becoming awkward so I pulled away. I realized why when I looked at him.
His eyes were tinted red with tears, turning his eyes violet. He hid his face as he wiped them away hurriedly. I wanted to pinch myself. Colken crying! I am not in Kansas anymore Toto! I didn’t know what to say I was in such a state of shock that I completely lost the ability of speech.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized after he composed himself. I could feel the ice come back into his stare. “I’d advise you to not say a word of what went on, on this night.” I nodded and performed the cross-my-heart ritual. He turned to leave.
“Wait, what about this?” I picked up the journal and handed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back.
“Keep it, I have no use for it.”