Possession

Possession

There's a demon tempting me, deep inside,
Leaving me shaken with nowhere to hide
I can feel him within me, ripping my bones
Tearing me, broken, left all alone.

Somehow I knew from the start I was tainted
But as the demon and I got further acquainted
He taught me all sorts of sly little tricks
To keep myself sated, what makes girls tick.

Some ways to keep myself sheltered and hollow
Being a lesbian's a hard pill to swallow
Finding I was different from all of the rest
Left me lonesome, put my faith to the test.

Coming out was such exquisite release
And the demon roared out, an unshakeable beast
My learned identity, at first so amazing
Soon turned sorrowful, hurtful, degrading

I knew it before the first punch landed
This was the punishment my deviations demanded
As they shouted the names, such as 'dyke' and'bitch,'
I curled up, closed up, and made a death wish.

There was a time when only cutting was cleansing
When the bleeding felt good - situation depending
And when the water scalded, ran down my back
The pain woke me up, it kept me on track

I was able to hide my deviant demonstrations
And pretend to like men - despite provocation
Until I met someone who stripped me bare
And made the pain vanish - I just didn't care.

Even here, even now, despite all my joy
Sometimes I wish I could try to like boys
In some attempt to maintain the 'Christian way'
But I can't pretend for a single day.

So this demon inside I've learned to accept
Though lack of support has has left me bereft
Deviod of love and familial support
This demon and I have a strange rapport.

He shelters me and gets me through the day
Although in the end there's a price to pay
I know the demon will never leave my mind
And if I could I would never leave him behind.