Rant: 'You're So Vain, I Bet This Rant Is About You...'

Rant: 'You're So Vain, I Bet This Rant Is About You...'

While I’m more or less going to rant about people who are vain and think they’re much more attractive than they think they are, I think I’d also make it clear before I move on that I hate most vain people in general, whether they’re as attractive or not. Just to clarify.

Recently, I think I've realized that one thing that really annoys me is when girls try to "flaunt it", or otherwise act really vain and up themselves.
There’s so many things wrong with this idea.
For example, a lot of women hate being objectified and/or having disrespectful comments made about them, but then they come along, doing the same things to themselves, and don't get how hypocritical it is. If you get annoyed with other people for "Objectifying" you, then you don't do it to yourself, because then you're being hypocritical, and giving other people reasons for it. Besides: no one likes a hypocrite.

Yet another thing that annoys me – and a lot of things do – is when people think so highly of themselves, and of their own appearance and that people should be falling at their feet. The main problem with this is some of them aren’t nearly as attractive as they're trying to make themselves sound. For example, saying things about how attractive and amazing you are will not help you at all, and it'll make people think you're arrogant, self-centred, etc. But what I especially get annoyed about is ugly people when it comes to this. Yeah, I know, kicking the non-swimmers, or whatever metaphor you can apply to what I'm saying, but seeing ugly people try to parade themselves and act as if they're not ugly really annoys me.
Yes, it’s true, they have self esteem/self confidence – probably a good thing –, but a lot of the times when I see it, it’s them being incredibly big-headed and just generally up their own arse. Yeah, okay, you think you're attractive, get away from my mirrors, or you're paying.

For instance, there’s someone I inexplicably have on my MSN, whose screenname of choice is "Ugly People Put Your Hands Down". Now, ever since she’s had it up on, I've been desperately wanting to say "Okay, put your hand down" probably even more so than cars want to go "Vroooom". Its fair enough that people want to post lyrics or slogans or whatever in your MSN names, or your Myspace names, especially since a lot of people do it, even me. The problem I have is the sorts of names and quotes and slogans which make people seem like idiots. It can be a fine line, but stuff which is outwardly egotistical (and not in the ironic sense, like I usually do, but the “wow, I actually think I’m this amazing” sense) makes me automatically pigeonhole people like you into the “Bitch” category.

Speaking of MySpace, has anyone else noticed those really annoying pictures that people take with the flash up to an insane degree? Where you’d expect there to be a face there, there’s just light. The basic trick of it is by putting up the brightness or flash to so much, it’s used to hide people’s blemishes and make them generally seem more attractive (you know, if people with light instead of face is your thing. It isn’t mine). Do you know what else it hides? Their personality.

Another thing that gets me is when people wear those shirts with slogans such as “My Face is up here”, “Stop Looking at my boobs”, “Hey, I have Boobs! Look at them instead of my face!”, “Anything to do with boobs!” or something else that comes off trying to be flirtatious or clever or whatever by making a joke about the fact that the slogan is printed where their boobs are, or making a joke about you looking at their boobs. Here’s the thing; they realize that most men will look at women’s boobs, and by printing slogans onto T-shirts capitalizing on that fact, it’s given women (and men, if ironically) a chance to jump onto that fact, as if they know exactly what men want. There’s something else most men want in women as well, as its called ‘personality’. And guess what? If you’re wearing stuff like that, there’s every odd that you don’t have one. I’m not saying everyone who wears them is like that, but I’m certainly saying the odds are against you. Possibly I’m taking the whole thing too far, but the point still stands.

Similarly, T-shirts which have slogans that basically only serve to fuel egos can burn, too. Most of them may come off as clever, or flirty, or witty, or sexy, or whatever, but above all of those wonderful things, all they do is make you come off as a complete twat. Contrary to what your t-shirt says, you are not “The Bomb”, but I do hope you get blown up by one.

But back to my original point; trying to flaunt something you don't actually have is pointless. And another thing. Why would you want to 'flaunt it', unless you were an empty vacuum of a person, which an equally empty personality.

Because honestly, if you sat down, and took a good long look at yourself in the mirror, you'd probably realise that you're really not worth the attention you try to give yourself. Or, you’d end up singing “I’m Too Sexy” to yourself. Believe me, I’ve done it before (in my defence, it was ironically). It’s awesome.

I know the people I’m ranting about have the kind of self confidence that will carry them through life, making everyone who works around them think they’re a self-absorbed prick and stuff, but the problem is this: There's a difference between self confidence, and coming off as shallow and up-yourself, and the difference is bigger than you'd think.

Also: there’s a reason that those supermodels are in magazines, and you're not, and it’s because you're ugly, and no amount of makeup will change that. Maybe plastic surgery, at a stretch, but then, you'd have to admit to yourself that you're about as shallow as a puddle in a heat wave.

So basically, you have three choices here: 1. Take off the makeup, stop trying to be something you’re not, maybe even get yourself a personality – I’ve heard they’re free!
2. Keep the makeup on, keep lying to yourself you're attractive, and keep being shallow, and then realise in the future how much of an idiot you are/were, and realise that all that time you were trying to act like you’re something you're not, you could have been getting a personality and learning, and not wasting your life or contracting STDs. (Recent Studies show as many as 40% of teenage girls in America have an STD. Owch.)
3. Always listen to me, because I'm always right, always. I'm never wrong, and my opinions are perfect. Always.