Glenda

Glenda

I’d told her I never wanted to see her again. But we worked for the same company. So that didn’t exactly work out too well.

I looked up as the elevator doors opened, and lo and behold, who else could it be but Glenda, Bimbo Bitch of the East. We glared at each other for a second, and I could tell she was seriously considering getting on another elevator. But we were both late for work, and waiting would have only made her more late. So she got on, unfortunately. The button for the floor we worked on was already pressed, of course, but she pressed it anyway just to be bitchy.

It was 63 floors to our offices. We had some time to kill. I kept praying that the elevator would stop, and someone else would step onto the elevator and spare me this torture, but apparently everyone else in the building had taken their lunch break at the same time.

But the sight of my ex had reminded me of my current prospective candidates, one in particular. She’d given me her number, which I’d forgotten after I found myself for lack of a writing utensil, but it suddenly appeared in my head again as if it had been lit on a neon sign. I rapidly searched my pockets for something to write it down before I forgot again. I really need to learn to start carrying pens.

Not having anything on me, I was in something of a pickle. I really didn’t want to forget the number a second time, and I knew that Glenda likely had a pen on her. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to her, but I was getting desperate. The prospective candidate was gorgeous as hell. Surely Glenda wouldn’t begrudge me that, at least. Of course, I wasn’t going to tell her what it was for.

I sighed heavily, working up the courage to get the words out of my mouth. “Hey, do you have a--”

“Fuck you.” That bitch. I’d said some things, yeah, but that was really uncalled for.

“Well, fuck you!” I am a master of retort. “I was gonna be nice, you stupid bitch, but I see that would be a waste of my time! Just like the year I spent with you!”

She hiccupped, suddenly. Excellent. She hiccupped when she got really mad, and I definitely hit a nerve there.

She was going to say something back, I know, but before she could the elevator lurched, and then abruptly came to a halt, the lights growing dim. Both of us froze, waiting for a moment, but the elevator didn’t move again. Oh hell no.

Glenda slammed on the elevator buttons desperately, but nothing worked. I heard her hiccup again. Me, I leaned against the back wall and laughed my ass off. I knew it would make her madder, and it did. “This is all your fault!”

“Yeah, really original,” I muttered.

“You’re such an asshole!”

“And you’re a slut!”

“You’re horrible in bed!”

“So are you. I want my money back.”

“Fuck you! I never really loved you!”

“Neither did I!”

“I cheated on you!”

“I threw away your shoes.”

That made her gasp. “…You bastard.”

After that we sat in relative silence for an hour, staring at the floor and occasionally glaring at each other. I started to wish the elevator cables would snap.

But eventually, I got bored, and started looking over at her more and more. And I realized that she was looking somewhat prettier than I remembered, in the dim lighting. If I squinted she almost looked like Prospective Candidate #1. And I hadn’t gotten any for a while.

We stared at each other in silence for another half hour. Then I got up and moved closer, as if I was going to try the elevator buttons again. But she grabbed me and kissed me then, saving me the trouble of any real effort. This is the mark of a desperate woman. No matter what I said about her, though, she was a really good kisser.

There was relative silence in the elevator for several more minutes.

“When we get out of this elevator, you can go to hell.”

“Likewise.”

The best six hours of my life. I never had to work either. This definitely made up for Christmas.