Skybound

by Nanook

in Completed Works

Skybound

To torture it is tantamount,
That we, the mortals, on the ground,
Cannot for trying, all our days,
Reach up to that skybound embrace!
While we the Earthly, all men know,
Should not attempt; we swear it so.
A tale there is, a story rare,
Of long ago, the maiden fair:
She with courage, and with grace,
Who tried the task no man could face.
Like Icarus, on newborn sky,
She’d reach the stars; at least, she’d try.
The spirit willed, alas, the flesh,
Did not with heart’s desires mesh,
To the stars she proudly leapt, but soon,
Her heart was skewered on the moon.
Should ever any man or beast,
Gaze skyward, in the night, at least,
They’ll notice that she left her trace:
Look at the moon; you`ll see her face.

Description

Jan 14th 2008
Tags:
moon narrative nature sky stars story
Views:
80
Comments:
4
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1
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I keep my promises, I swear, so here's weekly writing number two!
This is my first true "classically styled" poem, with sentence structure and punctuation. I don't know, the topic sort of leads itself to that style. Speaking of which...

This is also a first for me, as I am doing this as a pseudo-art-trade for , who requested "Rhyming couplets. I find not being able to reach stars to be a somber fact of life. I'd like to see physical bonds keeping the subject from a goal, and the aftermath of her failure."

I did what I could, so I really hope you like it.
In other news: art trades are now officially open.
Want me to write you a poem about your cat? I'll do it, sure as hell!
Comment me for details.

Cheers.

Comments

Smiling Devil Says:

This poem is very pretty, it rhymes, but not to strong, if I can express it this way. I also like the reference to Icarus in this, it's very fitting.

1 Reply

deadleaves Says:

Massive Kudos! I love it. I'll start yours tonight. :3

1 Reply

mercury yume Says:

this is wonderful, I love the slightly off rhymes at the start, the mirror of the sun and a man with the moon and a girl. The use of concrete concepts and pretty words works so well, it feels very romantic, making the end seem all the more sad.

1 Reply

Fitos Says:

I see you find yourself most comfortable with half-rhymes that are not visual, but rather audio-based. In other words, you are here, indeed, classical (not modernistic, ableit half-rhymes are a tad toward modernism, but you then go on to complete rhymes too). [This is neither good, nor bad]

The interesting thing is that you, whilst doing the above said, still have taken the modernistic apporach into use in that you change the grammatical wording around and that you do not keep to the metrics. What I mean is that you start with an iambic meter (though, not the common British one, which would be iambic pentameter, for you use only four iambs in the first line), but then switch to trochaic metrics in the second line (though, you do still keep the four feet per line) etc. However, I am not good enough in scansion to be able to scan the whole poem (as in, am too tired to have to wrack my brains so much). I think that you have put the caesura that you use in just the right spots to avoid a repetitious sound, which is often the case with poems that have a somewhat similar rhyme-scheme and metrics throughout. So kudos for you for doing that.

Oh, and is this an old tale or did you just make it up? Just thinking... because it sounds very medieval

1 Reply