The Yammo Xmas Special '07

The Yammo Xmas Special '07

It was another warm Christmas Eve at the Ida household. Not a creature was stirring, not even an assassin. The night of the big Christmas party was here, and Ida was up at the bright early time of two pm to get everything underway. Morty and Checkers were still sleeping after their morning run, and Ida was considering taking a picture of Checkers sucking his thumb with a teddy bear.

"Farkin wake up!" Ida yelled within an inch of Checkers' ears, as he eased himself up. Morty made his way from his bedroom, wondering what all the yelling was about.

"Listen, I've got a party on later, and I've invited a whole bunch of people. I don't want you boys fucking it up." She slurred, giving Checkers the evil eye. Checkers ignored her, and started putting out the crackers and dip. Ida hadn't shown him the guest list, but he hoped that she hadn't invited anyone stupid over. Apparently she went over to some 'creepy demon's' place last year, and she nearly killed the fucker for trying to serve her as a snack.

Before they had even finished putting the snacks out, the first two guests arrived. A purple-haired god had burst through the door, with a pair of reins and a fake pair of antlers on his head. A black-haired big-busted succubus was holding onto them, pulling behind a cardboard sleigh. "Oh that was FUN Hermes! Can we do that next year?" she giggled as Hermes floated around the room, looking to see if there was anything of value to take. After discoing piles of crap, as well as Checkers' gym equipment, he lay down on Lauriel's lap.

"I see you made it then!" Ida said, running out with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Hermes grinned as he took the wine and poured it, while massaging Lauriel's shoulders. She groaned as the god moved his hand around her tight muscles. After around five seconds however, he started bouncing around the room, flying around in circles and knocking stuff over.

"Hey!" Checkers exclaimed, as he slipped on a t-shirt. "I spent a lot of time cleaning' and don't want no punk god messin' it up!" Hermes stopped, floated and looked up at Checkers with wide eyes. Checkers scowled as Hermes snuck off in a back room with Lauriel, no doubt getting to know each other...

"I wasn't expecting' them over this early." Ida groaned, as the doorbell went again. This time it was a single woman by herself. She looked rather annoyed that Ida had taken so long to open the door. Ida sat her down and brought her a cup of coffee. What she didn't tell Dil was that the coffee secretly had some vodka in it! Dil was smarter than Ida though. When the assassin turned her back to track down Hermes, she poured her drink down the sink. Checkers raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He wasn't a heavy drinker, so he understood what she doing. She did give Checkers a look, which he mistook for flirting.

"Fuckin' hell Checkers! Get the fuckin' hell over here and get the chips out!" Ida had that dangerous look in her eyes again, the one that made Checkers nervous. She was about to let out another torrent of abuse, when the door rang once more. This time there was a much larger crowd waiting to get inside. The first two people to step in, Brigg and Mari craned their necks upwards to have a closer look around Ida's house. It was pretty run down, but Ida had done a good job in disguising that with a lot of streamers and fake holly.

Ida kept sneaking looks at Brigg. His exotic looks, long hair and fedora were something that she was interested in…very interested. She slid over, clutching a bottle of whisky towards the door.


"Hey, remember me from Halloween?" Ida grinned, giving Brigg a drink. The look on Mari's face was a mixture of shock as Ida moved towards HER man (not that she'd admit it to anyone, of course). Brigg nodded.

"Got a light?" he asked, flipping open a packet of smokes. Ida reached down and lit one for him, winking as she did. Mari glared. She had enough of Brigg's smoking, without Ida encouraging it. She lit one of her own and took him inside, the smoking billowing around them like a fog.

James, Kestrel, Jiro and Arrio pushed past them. They'd had a long trip to get to Ida's place and they were dying for food and other essentials. Kestrel led the way to the kitchen, while Arrio made his way to the drinks table, and Jiro made his way to the back room. Spotting a few bottles of beer, he went over to the nearest sofa and sat down. James went with him to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, like drink too much or sleep with Ida. Again.

On the way to the kitchen, Kestrel bumped into Morty, who was getting bored out of his brain. He'd invited YT to come, but she usually came fashionably late.

"What's up?" Kestrel grinned. "Not much. Just waiting for more people to come. You're the first person to even LOOK at me," Morty pouted. He went out to the front room. Checkers had moved on and started talking to Mari and Dil. Despite Dil's mousy appearances, she was quite a seasoned fighter, he learned. Mari sat in, wondering what the hell she was doing here, and what Brigg was up to.

Arrio had moved off the sofa, and joined Brigg and Ida in the hallway. Checkers didn't like it when Ida smoked in the house…but then what could he do about it. They chatted quietly among themselves until….

CRASH!!!

"What the fuck went down?" Ida yelled, as she loaded her gun. The noise came from her bedroom, as she ran down the back hall to see what was going on. She walked in on Hermes and Lauriel in a very compromising position.

"Why the fuck are you in my bed? Do that shit somewhere else! And where's my fuckin' TV?" She fired into the air, not that guns would do much against a god. Hermes slowly slunk out of her bed, giving her a sweet and innocent look. He walked out the room, still naked. Ida rolled her eyes. Yes, he was cute, but he was in HER FUCKING BED FUCKING without her.

As he walked through the house, the latest arrivals Edmund, Edward, Kavota and Nero had walked though the open door, somehow not scared off by the gunshots ringing though the house. Kavota and Nero looked at each other worried out of their brains, while Edward pricked up both his antennae when he saw Hermes fly past in the nude. As Edmund sighed, Edward shredded his pants and ran round, trying to join in the fun.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Edmund said through gritted teeth, as Nero stared. "I'm running around naked. What are you doing?" Edward responded, wondering what his brother was going on about. The other guests were still wrapped up in their talking to notice a nude god and bagman running through the place.

Two little individuals were lurking outside the bushes, wanting to get inside. A pair of demons, going by the names of Veluriel and Diora was looking through the window, wondering what kind of entrance they wanted to make. "I say smash the fuckin' front door down" Vel growled, still sore that Ida left him off her Christmas Card list, especially after inviting her to his party.

"Can we take one of them hostage?" Di pleaded with Vel. He shook his head. He came here to party, not randomly kill, unless it was that delicious murderer kid that he saw around here before.

"Not until afterwards."

They snuck though the bushes and broke down the door, just as the gunshot went through the house. Vel's ears pricked up. He couldn't smell any killings, but it was starting to sound very interesting over there, yes very interesting indeed. With Diora just behind him, they both burst in. Vel practiced his poses, while Diora sniffed around to see what was going on.

"Oh, SHIT!" Morty swore while he was in the middle of chatting to Kestrel and Jiro (who had made his way out of the coat stands). Standing behind him was the terrifying and looming figure of the evil demon Veluriel! Kestrel and Jiro looked at each other and then at Morty, trying to find out what was going on. "It's that creepy demon. I think he wants to eat me!" Morty screamed before running out of the room, Jiro and Kestrel following him.

"What's goin' on?" Kestrel asked as Morty ran towards the emergency stash of holy water that Ida kept hidden. Morty dived and managed to find the sacred vial. He poured the water into a spray pump and when Veluriel burst through the door, the little assassin was ready. Before Vel could pounce on him, he sprayed Vel right in the eyes! He turned round. Kestrel was bounding with energy and excitement, while Jiro looked like he was about to faint or fall asleep.

The demon staggered backwards, but Di came up. While it hurt Morty to spray Diora (as she was incredibly sexy), Kestrel ran up and sprayed her in the face. "Get away from MY friends" she yelled, as the pair withered on the ground. She ran through the living room, where Arrio had just noticed Hermes for the first time...

"Wha' der hell are you doin' with my fukkin lady?" Arrio growled at the trickster god, who had Lauriel wrapped around his shoulders. "She say she had't wash her hair"

"You know… you can both do me at once you know!" Lauriel winked, sending Hermes into frenzy.

"Lets do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!" Hermes yelled while bouncing and flying around the room once again. Ida giggled, as she returned with a beer in her and a cigarette in her mouth. "Not right now, Flyboy. I gotta party to run, maybe later. She winked. Checkers scowled. It seems every time she goes to a party, she gets totally drunk. "She's in the corner over there, talkin' to some long-haired cowboy dude." Checkers pointed to Morty, who was still running around, trying to avoid Ida, who had gone back to Brigg with beer and whisky in her hand. Mari, who was talking to Dil and Checkers, looked back at him, hoping that he wouldn't do anything stupid.

Checkers noticed what Mari was doing and nodded. Neither of them wanted the pair of them together. Dil was a little annoyed that they were both moving away, and so set out to follow. She tried hard not to break any of the things that Hermes' wind tunnel had knocked down. There was something that was not quite right around these parts. That drunken woman, the large beefy man, the demons and the children with weird hair. What were they all doing here, this close to Christmastime? Don't they have families to go to?

On the way out, she bumped into Edward, who raised a pretend hat at her. She knocked him on the head, while telling him to get some pants on. Edward pouted, as his antennae bobbled from the force. Somewhere in the background, a drunken assassin cackled.

Meanwhile, James was doing his best to move Arrio away from Hermes. Somehow, he knew that Hermes was a dangerous being (and causing some weird kind of religious paradox).

"Lets go. We'll pick you up some nice booze on the way home," James said to Arrio, whose ears picked up once James mentioned 'booze'. He took one look at Ida and slowly backed away, towards James and his home. Kestrel waved at Morty and promised to keep in touch. Morty waved. It was rare for him to speak to 'normal' people, the kind that doesn't randomly kill people for fun constantly.

Checkers managed to get Brigg to help him carry out the demons and get them out of the house. Both of them hoped that a portal to Hell would carry the pair of them back to their homeland. What was it that drew them back to this house time after time?

Somewhere in the mess, Ida had managed to get some reindeer antlers on her head. With her heavy drinking, she had acquired a red nose. Everyone wanted to tell her she looked like Rudolph, but everyone was too scared. As she tried to walk in a straight line, her legs buckled, and she fell down flat. Arrio looked and bit his lip to try to stop himself from laughing. Even though there was a chance that Ida would forget, he didn't want to risk it. Besides, Checkers was still stone cold sober, as he'd had nothing but Coke to sip from.

"It's MIDNIGHT!" Morty breathed, remembering this when Santa made his visits. He walked out towards the chimney. Even though he hadn't believed in Santa for a long long time, it was nice to dream. He walked out into the living room, Kestrel and Jiro following behind him. He smiled as he saw the drunk Ida sprawled across the floor with her fake reindeer antlers on.

"Ah, guess Christmas is delayed, eh?" Morty bravely remarked to Ida, as he quickly ran out of the room.