Rant: "Great Life Mysteries Solved, Part 1".

Rant: "Great Life Mysteries Solved, Part 1".

Great Life Mysteries Solved, Part 1:

"Edward And The Mystery Of The Falling Tree In The Woods":

If anyone ever asks the question "If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" ever again when I'm around, I'm going to construct a time machine, then travel through time, find out who came up with the question, then Sparta-kick them into a giant hole in the ground. The question is annoyingly stupid, and if you have to think about the answer for more than 10 seconds, then you're stupid as well, especially if you can't come up with the right answer. In fact, 10 seconds is too long, it should be a quick answer of something in the affirmative, preferably with an insult attached to make them feel as dumb or bad as you want to. Try something along the lines of "Of course it does, what are you, a woman? Go make me a sandwich". Of course, you might want to change it if you don't want to offend other people around you, but the whole point is offending them, or being right, whatever.

I hate this question because its so goddamn stupid. Have you ever heard a tree fall? Chances are, you probably have, and if you haven't, it doesn't really matter. When something falls down, it makes a noise. The movement of the object, especially in reference to making contact with a solid surface, or colliding with another object, in this case, the ground, will cause not only a physical impact, but an audible impact as well. For example, clapping your hands causes a noise, and its known that it does. When a tree falls over, it makes a sound, and when its in the woods, its going to make a sound. Thats pretty much a given. So why are some people so stupid as to think that as soon as theres no one around to hear it, its not going to happen? If a bomb goes off, and no one is around to be caught in it, does it still make a loud noise when it explodes, as well as cause a large amount of collateral damage? Of course it does. If anything occurred, just because no one is around to witness it, it doesn't mean it doesn't happen, or doesn't make a noise. The only way it wouldn't make a noise was if it was in space, or a vacuum. But theres a problem with that, which is, apart from the fact that the tree would die instantly in space, but that it technically couldn't fall over in space, it would just float, is the fact that the question claims the tree falls in the woods, but in the vast outreaches of space, so that kind of annuls that argument, which is annoying, because I thought about that argument. Also, you want me to prove I'm right, put recording equipment in some woods where a tree is going to fall soon, then listen to the recording as it falls, and it'll prove I'm right. It may not be the best of tests, but at least I have a way of backing up my argument. Which brings me neatly onto my tangent.

One thing that really does annoy me about the argument, apart from the fact that the damn tree will make a sound if it falls in the woods, regardless of no one being around to witness it, is the fact that whenever you're with a group of people, for example, a Theory Of Knowledge class, you'll always get at least one person who disagrees with you. i mean, I appreciate the idea of free thought, and so on, but I hate the fact that every time, no matter what, there'll always be one person who disagrees with you, no matter the argument, no matter what. The stupid thing is, you know they're stupid, because they don't even give a real answer as to why. They normally say "You're wrong", and when pressed for reasons why, they just respond "it just is". I have a simple request for those people: Never have children. I also have a more serious request: If you disagree, but don't have any real arguments to back up your answer, then just don't speak up. Its good that you have your own opinion, but no one will respect you if you don't give good arguments to back up your opinion. And finally, if someone gives an answer to the tree falling question that somehow implicates God, or a religious deity, please don't. While according to your faith, God is everywhere, saying that causes a paradoxical answer, as saying that means someone would be there to witness it, thus not answering the question, and negating it.

In conclusion, I hate the question "If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?". It does make a sound! Stop thinking otherwise, please, because you're giving me more and more reasons to hate humanity as we know it.
I hate Theory of Knowledge.