If Only

If Only

My memory.
My memory of that place.
That house.
That dreadful house.
The house I may never be able to walk into again.
The memory of that house keeps me from it.
The living room, the closet, the porch, the backyard, but mostly, the back bedroom.
That bedroom.
That horrible bedroom.
If only I could forget.
Forget that awful memory.
The memory in which I could never forget, even if I wanted to.
Oh, if only I had stayed in the livingroom.
But now, it'll always forever be "if only".
Sitting apon that room.
The bed.
The terrible bed.
That I lied in.
That bed, in which, I could not sleep in.
The one I was on when I made that wrong decision.
That wrong answer that I wish to chang into right.
Oh, what wrong did I do.
What I had done in that bed.
But worst of all, that man.
That sinful, terrible, horrible, dreadfull man.
That man I thought was right
That man who made me think wrongly choices, that man who made me feel comfortable, that man I thought I loved!
That man I now cower in fear from.
That man who has ruined my life
That man I wish to leave me alone.
Oh, how I iwsh he would go away, how I wish he would leave me be, how I wish he would die!
But sadly, all of this.
The memory
The house
The bedroom
The bed
The choice
The man.
They will always be there.
Always.
If only.
It will always be "if only".