A failed Nano-tempt -David and Sofie

A failed Nano-tempt -David and Sofie

Sept-a. Sofie.

I think the first time I ever saw David I knew he wasn�t normal. It�s wasn�t like a, you know, �Oh shit that guy�s crazy. Is he looking at me? Oh God.� It was more of a �take your breath away too gorgeous to be real (or straight) punch in the gut� sort of thing. So you understand I was nervous to approach him. Well. Maybe not. It was in this club and I was oh my God trashed and ironically enough we were celebrating my newest Dallas girlfriend. And I went to the bar to get the next round and he was standing there, David was, looking beautiful and nervous.
My first thought was, �out of your league, ass. Don�t stare. Shut your mouth, you�re gaping.� It was a long thought; I think like that. It must be all those English classes.
So I feel like before I progress this story I should tell you more about me, right? My name is Sofronio (or Sofie if �Sofronio� sounds kind of pretentious) and my family moved over from Greece when I was like eight. And I�m mostly straight, I swear. But I don�t know, I�ve never been afraid of loving other boys. Or, um, men, I guess. My Greek heritage. Actually I learned about all that stuff in World History and Philosophy classes. It�s not the kind of thing your big Greek Mama sits you down for- �Son, back in the day our ancestors, the noble and prolific Greek peoples, were open about homosexuality and bisexuality.� Because it�s not the kind of thing a mother hopes will be relevant in her son�s life. And I know Ma certainly doesn�t think it�s genetic.
Anyway (there are a lot of these), David. I figured I could at least give it a shot. I ordered two Cervezas and while the bartender was under the bar grabbing them I tried to force myself to stop sweating, but you know it�s always 120 degrees Fahrenheit in clubs. I approached him, both beers in one hand. Closer his face was definitely Asian- he was half something, if not more. I�ve always had a thing for Asians. My new girlfriend Cam was Asian. If he took my drink, I had a chance.
�Hey,� I shouted to be heard over the music.

Sept-b. David.

I don�t even know what I�m doing out. I fucking hate going out clubs stores parties. I feel like people are watching right? And I�m gonna fuck up and they�re all gonna know how stupid I am. But Jess must have put enough alcohol in me to get me into some leather pants and a club because oh shit here I am barely standing eyes burning with smoke some shitty DJ blaring away onstage. On a fucking Wednesday. My. God.
I�m staring at my boots trying not to get noticed when I hear him and it is so obvious he�s talking to me but I don�t look up until I feel his hand on my shoulder and there must be some mistake.
�Me?� He smiles and nods. His smile shows me perfect teeth and his tight shirt shows me a perfect body damn oh damn I must know him from somewhere cuz he can�t be interested so what�s his name? Oh shit if I don�t remember he�s gonna think I�m an idiot don�t fuck this one up David.
�I�m Sofronio.�
�I don�t remember you.� He looks at me curiously and I can feel my palms getting sweaty oh crap. Crap.
�Er, we haven�t�met. Before.�
Oh God he thinks I�m stupid.
�Would you like a drink?� He�s offering me a long neck. My arm locks up and I force it to reach forward and afford it. Shape up, David. Say something cool.
�Um�uh� What did you say your name was?� Real smooth, idiot.
�Sofronio.�
�Is that, um, Spanish?�
�It�s Greek. We�re from Ioann�na.�
Of course he�s Greek. Oh my God look at that smile I mean it�s amazing he even noticed me he probably just feels sorry for me.
�And you?�
�What?�
�Your name?� Of course David you ass, you�re gonna blow this look at him laughing at you.
�David.� Even I can hear how horrible my voice sounds. There�s no way he�s into me. �I have to go-�
�Would you like to, er, dance?� The bottle slips out of my hand and shatters all over the floor.
�Oh shit!� I am paralyzed horrified oh God everyone is looking aren�t they pick it up David. It hurts to bend my knees my chest feels tight hurts to breathe but I manage to get down and start scooping the shards of glass into my hands and owwww am I crying?

Sept-c. Sofie.

Oh, so David dropped his drink and he got this look on his face like a deer in the headlights. God, I thought, I misjudged him, he�s not gay, what was I thinking? He just stared at me for a few seconds before he knelt down and started trying to pick up the glass, and I knew he would cut himself, so before I even heard his gasp I was asking the bartender for a rag. I pulled him up by his too-thin shoulders and started picking the glass splinters out of his palm, trying to blot the blood with the rag.
�David. David, I think you�re drunk.� He was jumpy, red-faced and crying, hyperventilating- I was starting to think it might be a bigger problem than the alcohol as my mind raced through his symptoms and the files of case studies I could remember.
Oh P.S. I�m a Pysch major at SMU. (Southern Methodist in Dallas. I am told that this is very hip of me, but I don�t know; I�m from Kansas where nothing is cool.) So, I felt pretty qualified to guess that David was suffering from an anxiety attack. That is, if it wasn�t just a drunken breakdown, although I�d never seen anybody fall apart quite that fast.
�Look, hey, just calm down, alright? I�m gonna take you home.� David started crying harder and I frowned a little. �We have to get your hand fixed up. David? Wait here, okay?� I didn�t think he would move anyway, but I waited for his nod.
�Guys, I�m cutting out, cool?�
�What! The night is young, my man!� Nate (asshole).
�Something came up, alright.� I turned to go back to David.
�Oh snap, Sofie. Already got another girlfriend, right?� Evan (Republican).
�See you.� Alex (nice guy, Cam�s ex).
�Yeah, thanks for the drinks,� I said,
David was right where I�d left him, now-scarlet rag clutched tightly in one fist, lips in a determined line, watching one of the waitresses cleaning up his mess. His breathing had slowed slightly but it looked like it was a chore for him to even be standing. I felt like the alcohol was clearing pretty quickly from my system and I was starting to feel like I�d really picked the right profession.
I slipped my arm around David�s slim shoulders (and noticed how tlal he was but I�m only 5�8� on a good day, curse my Old World genes) and led him outside. I had hoped the air would refresh him, but I still couldn�t get him to say anything.
�David, if you won�t tell me where you live, you�re going to have to come home with me,� I said in my best calm adult voice (and I feel like I have a good one for a 21 year old). �And my dorm is way shitty right now.� David continued to stare sullenly at the concrete as the human traffic flowed in and out of the club around us.

Sept-d. David.

God no I�m not opening my mouth again and making it worst Christ now half of Dallas knows what an idiot I am. I can�t even believe this guy Sofronio is even still talking to me. He must be like a social worker or desperate or some crap. I hear him sigh next to me and he takes my arm and starts walking down the street and I let myself be dragged.
�You didn�t drive here, did you?� He�s paused and turned to look at me. I shake my head slowly. �Alright.�
You know, he doesn�t think you�re stupid, says that small voice in the back of my head, the one that uses Mom�s voice. He likes you. Look at the trouble he�s going through for you. You should thank him, David. In my head Mom talks in Korean. I miss hearing Korean sometimes. I always had to argue with Mom. She always gave up pretty quick though and I always wound up feeling bad but even though now she�s just that voice in my head now I�m doubting doubting arguing Whatever Mom he pities me cuz I�m such a fuckup that�s all Look at the man. He�s nto gay he probably has 20 bastard children across the country for Chrissake. And, Mom, I just made a pathetic drunk ass of myself. Who found that attractive?
Silence.
I thought so.
�This is my car,� Sofronio announces. We�re in front of this hideous old something 2 door pop up headlights. Oh my God the 80s called. He opens the door for me I can�t believe he just left his doors unlocked in Deep Ellum where is he from how long has he lived here? God. The seats are low and it smells extremely like bad-not-quite-hidden by the air freshener. Sofronio slides into the driver�s seat and shifts it into neutral.
�It�ll only start in neutral, the bastard,� he says jokingly. I smile weakly but I�m so tired oh exhausted Fuck this behavioral therapy shit I�m calling the doctor tomorrow. I want my pills. I�m sick of actually I�m feeling really sick right now Oh God oh shit
�Wait,� I croak as Sofronio turns the key in the ignition and I jump out and puke all over the asphalt and the goddamn Lexus parked right next to Sofronio�s clunker. Jesus I�m not doing anything right tonight. After a few moments I turn around and look back into the car. He�s looking up at me expectantly.
�Sure you don�t want me to take you to your house?�
I take a deep breath what I say next is going to be very important.
�No.�

Sept-e. Sofie.

We drove in silence for a few minutes before I glanced over at David. He was still staring at his feet and looking greenish under the light from the streetlamps we sped under. And tired. He looked very tired. But I had to concentrate on the road, because I still wasn�t precisely sober. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his lanky form slumping over so I checked to see if he was asleep, but no. His head was on his knees, and his eyes were open. Slowly he reached for something on the floorboards, My eyes flicked back and forth between the road and David. I didn�t know what he had, but when we were stopped at a red light I looked at him and he was holding a bra and staring at it blankly.
Oh shit.
Cammy�s.
�Um, that�s, uh, my sister�s��
�You�re not from around here,� he said quietly, face reddening or was that the stop light? As he flickered into green he muttered �Green light,� and dropped Cam�s bra and sat very straight and still.
After more minutes of heavy silence I coughed, which startled David. �So how did you know I wasn�t from Dallas?� No answer. �Sorry about that bra, man. You know women, it�s like leaving their mark or something.� I tried to laugh but it sounded lame even to my ears. �Er, we�re almost there. I live on campus. Do you go to SMU?�
�No.�
�Oh�well, my RA is cool. He understands stuff. I don�t think he�ll mind if you crash.�
I pulled into my parking space and did an admirable job of getting in straight. �There aren�t elevators in my building. I hope you like stairs.� David shrugged and I sighed, but I was glad the fit he�d had in the club seemed to have passed because it would be a lot easier to get him upstairs.
�I was so glad I had moved into the upper classmen dorms this semester. I had more room and no roommate.
Inside the hall there were still a few people hanging out in the common area, but I didn�t know any of them. They all looked pretty involved in their whatever they were doing. (It involved a lot of spiral notebooks and highlighters, and I was reminded that it was about time for the next round of tests in most of the classes.)
�So,� I said once we were upstairs. �This is my room.� I covertly kicked a pile of dirty clothes under the futon. �And, uh, the bed�s through there. Do you want something to sleep in?� David was taller than I was, but so thin I was sure he�d fit into anything I had. When I turned around to look at him he was still standing in the doorway, eyes wide. �David, let me ask you a personal question.� I waited for a sign of approval.

Sept-f. David.

What am I doing here why did I go out tonight I can�t do this what does he want what to I want to sleep and pretend this isn�t happening-
�-al question?�
What? Crap I missed it I try to breathe deeply because I can feel my heart speeding up and the doctor said deep breaths, David. You can�t avoid this forever.
I nod.
�Do you�are you on medication for anything?�
Am I that obvious? Of course I am. How could he not notice? �Well, not�anymore.�
�Oh, what were you on?�
Don�t tell him David he�ll know what a loser you are. See that�s the voice I�m supposed to look out for the doctor said that one lies.
�What did you have?�
�The�flu?� That was fucking lame.
�It�s fine if you don�t wanna tell me. I�ll get you some clothes and you can take the bed.�
Standing in his doorway wondering what I�ve done to deserve this nice guy wondering what he wants from me in return I mean there has to be something. I�m calmer now taking deep breaths in out it�s cool it�s good it�s just crowds they bug me but I�m over it I�m okay. I�m rethinking the pills you know now that I think about it they didn�t make me feel a whole lot better.
�Hey, I think these are clean.� Sofronio is offering me an armful of clothes. �Make yourself at home. The bedroom is through there� Just sleep it off, guy.� He pats my shoulder awkwardly and I want to tell him I feel better but while I�m trying to think of a way to say this without sounding all gay he�s gone. Well, he�s in the bathroom. Come to think of it his eyes were pretty bloodshot I let this guy drive me home? To his house? I mean dorm okay I have to change and just sleep on it.
I�m in Sofronio�s room, and I can hear him shaking out sheets and making up his bed on the couch I mean futon. In his clothes that are too big for me because he must be some kind of wrestler. I stand wondering if I should go out and say goodnight or something but in the end I curl up in his bed and imagine it smells of olives and Mediterranean although secretly it just smells like bed but oh well. I fall asleep like that, I think, my head buried in his pillow trying to catch the sea breeze.

Sept-g. Sofie.

I woke up sometime after sunup on Thursday morning when I rolled off the couch. (That floor, that�s a powerful stimulant.) For a minute I couldn�t remember why I was on the floor but when I pulled myself up on my elbows and blinked groggily around the dorm, David was standing in my bedroom doorway, looking down at me impassively and everything came back to me in a flood, including a hangover. Jesus my head was throbbing like it was gonna split.
�Ungh�� I mumbled, mouth cottony-dry and tasting like bile. �What time is it?� I stared at my wrist until I realized that I didn�t have a watch at all. Go me.
�About 9,� David answered, and I wondered if his voice always sounded this deep and solemn or if it was just a morning thing.
�Shee-yit,� I groaned. �Christ I have class in half hour ugh-guh.� I forced my body into an upright position. I was still wearing my clothes from the night before. There was a spot of blood on my shirt- how did that- �David! Your hand!� Crap, I thought. I forgot all about that. But he held his hand out palm up. The few deepest scratches were already scabbing over.
�I�ll put some Neosporin on it,� he said easily.
�Alright,� I said doubtfully, but I still grabbed his hand to double check for any signs of infection. (Although to be honest I don�t really know any. Oh well.) �Hey!� when I had finished that I took a step backward and spread my arms. �How do I smell?� David lifted his eyebrows dubiously but sniffed obligingly and frowned.
�Like smoke and alcohol. And women,� he added dryly.
�Great, so I�ll have to take a shower.� But I didn�t move. The man standing in front of me was a totally different guy from the crying nervous wreck I�d met last night. �David, what happened last night?� He looked back at me with a small unsure smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
�You don�t remember? Oh, God, I really can�t believe I got in a car with you��
�No, I meant with you.�
�Oh.� A shadow came over his eyes and I could see his body sort of draw up into itself. �I don�t, um, like crowds. That�s all.�
�That�s not all, dude. You had an anxiety attack. Do you have medication for that?�
�No� Well, yes. Um, sort of.� David glared at me, backing up a few steps. �What�s it any of your business? How do you even know?�
�Well, I�m a psychology major, so I assessed your symptoms and��
�Oh fuck you!� David cried. �So you picked me up to be your little case study, right? Fuck that!� He tore my shirt up over his head and threw it at me. I let it slap me square in the face and drop to the floor. David slammed the door to my bedroom behind himself and I heard the lock click. �I�m changing and then I�m fucking going home, you bastard,� he shouted through the cheap plywood door.
��David?� I said numbly. Then my body jumped into gear and I slammed up against the door, pounding on it. �No damn it! I did not! Come out! David!� My over-sensitized ears rang with noise but I kept on. ��We can talk about this! I just wanted to help you!�
Then the door swung open and I nearly fell onto David, but I jumped back as quickly. He was in his own clothes (and oh my God did he have the legs for those leather pants).
�How? Are you going to �assess� me further?� he said coldly. �I have a doctor, and he already has his degree, alright?� He started for the door. �Sorry about your experiment.�
�I just��
�What?� he barked, giving me a look over his shoulder.
�I�don�t know. You make me nervous,� I said honestly.
�Oh, well, no fear. Your tender science loving hetero bones can rest in peace. I�m out.�
�Wait!�
�What?� There�s a real edge in his voice now and he doesn�t even look at me.
�Let me give you my number. I want to see you again.�
�I already told you you�re not��
�No, no, not for that. Just because.� I rummaged around the coffee table (a hand-me-down from the room�s last occupant) and came up wit ha flyer (low-premium health insurance!) and a pen (Coldwell Bank). I scribbled my number down as David stood, back facing me, perfectly still. Then I walked around to between him and the door, folding the paper into fourths and pressing it into his hand. �This is my cell phone number. I swear I�ll answer it anytime. It�s practically a permanent attachment.� I tried a laugh, but it was hard with David staring me down so intently.
Finally, David moved to step around me, but I blocked him left and right and backwards until he had me nearly pinned to the door. I grinned up at him and wriggled playfully. He wrinkled his nose and frowned.
�You smell even worse from here. Let me out, asshole.�
�You�ll call?� I said, stepping aside.
�Tell your girlfriend she has cute taste in bras,� he replied, and shut the door behind him. I laughed nervously. He�ll call, I thought.
But after my shower, when I was heading out for class, outside of my door on the hallway floor was the paper with my number. I don�t know why, but that hurt a lot more than it should have.