Childhood Dreams

Childhood Dreams

Childhood dreams

I’ve been watching the world through a sheen, slightly blurred with a faint tinge. This womb of glass. Let me go, I just want to play. Please just shatter this prison, let me loose into that world I have watched silently through hollow eyes. Consequences? There will be none, I’m insignificant, so unimportant, and I mean nothing. Dozens walk past me every day and none even look into my eyes; they just shuffle past unaware of my existence.
But you, you stare at me and call to me, crying your indignant fears. Screams bounce around my head, because they can and they won’t just dissipate into nothingness. You do though. Your face is fading right now, because you won’t give me what I want. Every time you appear, you just sit and watch. Visitors aren’t allowed here, so what are you? You hide in the shadows with your golden skin. Sparkly, sparkly. No one else seems to notice you, just me. Am I special? I’m not perfect, I’m flawed, and I’ve heard it said so. Yet you don’t see these flaws, why can’t you see?
A mind that doesn’t work and a body beyond my capabilities, so I’m locked away. People talk about me, whispering sillies. Words carry no momentum, no meaning to me. I want to be released. Mother’s mouth says she’ll free me one day. Her eyes are pretty, so full of knowledge and they sparkle. Yet she does nothing, but follows Kane around all day, umming and ahhing. Kane is proud of me, and tells Mother so, then he comes up close to my face and caresses the barrier that protects him so. Protects him from me. Then he smiles, its funny when he smiles since he has no soul. Mother just stands, becoming a faded statue in the background. I saw them argue once. Her face close to his, closer than mine right now, mouth opening and closing rapidly. And pointing, I remember pointing, at me. I’d done something, but I hadn’t moved. I can’t move, it’s forbidden. Arms moved, flailing then Kane wrapped his arms around her, like a great band. Kane is cruel, raising Mother to the ceiling and throwing her down, like a toy. My mask hid my smile.
You’re still staring. Almost knowingly and timeless, but childlike. You’re young, like me, but know so much, like me. Did they make you too? Frozen in a glass prison, but aware and learning. I learnt more today. Someone came as close as Kane today and tapped. People do pay attention to me, I lied before. Please don’t be mad, I’m sorry. This man in the long coat, same as Mother’s and Kane’s, tapped at me. It made a noise, a sound. I drank it in, as long as I could, chasing the ghosts of it. I know what Kane would have wanted me to do. But I can’t. I can’t reach out and squeeze his throat until the blood ceases to flow.
My blood is special, I watched Mother say. She’s happy about it. She cries success every time my blood flows out of me. Kane wants more. More of success. I know success. I am success. Why won’t you let me out? I’ll show you success. I’ll show it with your body, my hands will rip through your flesh and every one will smile and say success.
Is that my name? Success? No. My name is lost to me, though I’ve seen it mouthed by the people who look up at me and shuffle away quickly. I am, I am…Macabre. Sickening success. I know what it means. You’re fading away again. This means Kane’s coming, and Mother too. You’ll be back again, and we’ll talk some more.