Real Life

Real Life

Level One
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David’s last heart-segment throbs with annoying, high-pitched beeps. He jumps back to avoid Ganondorf’s sword and rolls to face Ganondorf’s back and begins slashing it with the Master Sword. As Ganondorf turns to attack him, David jumps back again.
‘David, I asked you to do your homework over an hour ago!’
‘Okay mum, in a sec.’
More slashes and just as he’s about to dodge another attack from Ganondorf, the controller is snatched from him and he falls to the ground, dead. Game Over.
‘David, I’m not going to ask you again!’ David’s mother held the controller in her hand.
‘Mu-um! You just killed me!’
‘I’ll kill you more permanently if you don’t do your homework right now.’
David won’t have any of this.

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David dodges and slashes at Ganondorf.
‘David, I asked you to do your homework over an hour ago!’
‘Yes, mum, I absolutely will. Just let me finish.’
This time, as he dodges one of Ganondorf’s attacks, he manouvers the controller away from his mother’s hands. Another slash with the sword and it’s Ganondorf who falls the the ground this time, and David gives the killing blow.
And the screen goes blank.
David’s mum has her hand on the reset button.
‘Mum, I just finished! Now I have to defeat him all over again,’ David screeches.
‘He must not have been very defeated the first time,’ his mother says sarcastically. ‘Homework. Now.’

Load

‘David! I asked you to do your homework over an hour ago!’
‘Yes, mum, I love you and I can’t wait to do my homework, but it’s really important I finish this. I’ll just be two seconds, I promise.’
David manouvers the controller away from his mother’s hands and as she reaches towards the reset button, he trips her with his leg. She falls and her head lands on the corner of the coffee table. She doesn’t get up again.
‘Shit.’
After thinking about it for a moment, he watches the game’s end scene.

Load

‘David! I asked you to-’
‘-do my homework, I know. I was just about to do that now.’
David turns off the console and gives his mum a kiss on the cheek before retiring to his room.
‘Oh… good.’

Level Two

David wants a girlfriend and he’s had his eye on Alicia for a while. He sees her with her friends, Rebecca and Phoebe, and decides to approach her.

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‘Alicia, will you go out with me?’
‘No, I don’t think so,’ Alicia says and Rebecca giggles.

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‘Phoebe, would you go out with me?’
She blushes. ‘I’d love to.’
‘But I thought he liked you,’ Rebecca whispers in Alicia’s ear.
‘Shut up.’

Level Three

Save

David takes a day off school and he plays Grand Theft Auto but his mum comes home early.
‘David, why aren’t you at school?’

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David takes a day off school and he goes to the movies, then the arcade. When he comes home, his mum is waiting for him.
‘David, why weren’t you at school today?’

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David takes a day off but he’s bored. He thinks about playing Grand Theft Auto for real. He steals a car and takes it for a joy ride.

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After taking three days off to unwind, David’s ready to go back to school without missing a single class.

Level Four

Maths is boring and David hates his teacher.
‘David, come to the board and solve the problem.’

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‘No, Mr. John, I don’t want to.’
Mr. John crosses his arms.
‘What was that again?’
‘I said I don’t want to solve the stupid problem. Maths is stupid. It’s not like I want to be a maths teacher so why do I need to learn it? Oh, and another thing, you’re a-’
The class watches in shock as David calls Mr. John a long list of unpleasant names.
It feels good.

Load

David walks up to the board and attempts to solve the problem.
‘Wrong, wrong, wrong!’ Mr John exclaims. ‘I knew you weren’t paying attention.’
‘Please, Mr. John,’ David says. ‘Show me how I was supposed to do it.’
David watches carefully and commits the answer to memory.

Load

David walks up to the board and writes the correct answer.
Mr. John is stunned.

Level Five

At lunch time, Alicia approaches David and flirts with him. Alicia’s been acting interested in David ever since he asked Phoebe out. David likes Phoebe, but he also likes Alicia.

Save

David takes a shot. He kisses Alicia. She kisses him back.

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David kisses Alicia. She kisses him back.

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David kisses her, gain and again and again.
‘David!
Phoebe is standing there.

Load
Error: Corrupt File

Something’s wrong. Phoebe is still angry and Alicia has a look of triumph on her face.

Load
Error: Corrupt File

‘Shit.’ Shit shit shit.

Load
Error: Corrupt File

‘What are you doing?’ Alicia is looking at him like he’s a freak.
‘I’m trying to load, but it’s not working!’
‘David, real life doesn’t work that way,’ Phoebe says.
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ David says. ‘It’s always worked that way.’

Load
Error: Corrupt File

‘No it hasn’t, David. Life’s never worked that way.

‘No, you’re wrong!’

Load
Error: Corrupt File

David just destroyed a great relationship with a great girl. No, wait, he never had a relationship with that girl. He’s got detention for skipping class. No, he’s suspended for cussing out a teacher. He’s grounded for disobeying his mother. No, his mother’s in a coma.

‘Shit, shit, shit!’

It’s all gone wrong.

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