How to Make an Anime

How to Make an Anime

DRAWING

1. Spend upwards of two years studying anatomy.
2. Draw a realistic human.
3. Forget everything you learned and erase what you just drew.
4. Redraw the same basic picture but with small, pointy noses; enormous, oddly-colored, gravity-defying hair; and misshapen, mis-colored eyes that take up half the face. If it's a girl; gargantuan breasts.

WRITING

1. Write the most ludicrous topic you can think of.
2. Now think of one 1,000 times stranger than that. Use this story instead.
3. Add aliens, people shooting balls of energy out of their hands, and fanservice.
4. The characters should be as follows: an average, male lead with unknown powers; a loud, uninhibited female to bounce off of; an evil nerd who pushes his glasses up to make them shine once every 5 minutes; and a shy, well-endowed lesbian with an impossibly high voice.
5. Anime are usually unbelievably short or unbelievably long. If you wish to make it long, write at least 200 filler episodes with no action.

ANIMATING

1. Half the shots are static with three frames of animation for the mouth. If the shot is static, it may not be shorter than 18 seconds. Ever.
2. On the rare occasion the characters have a wide range of movement, make sure it stops after 3 seconds. This will then be replaced by 18 seconds of talking.
3. When you have the actual animation completed, create 5-minute opening and ending credits with female J-rock that sounds exactly the same as every other anime ever made.

PUBLISHING

1. Wait for 4Kids to contact you.
2. Let them ruin your show in ways no one thought possible.
3. Agree to their changes to piss off the weeaboos.

CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the accomplished creator of an anime.