Grapefruit Boulevard Chapter 1.4

Grapefruit Boulevard Chapter 1.4

Meanwhile, a goat carrying a triple-decker peanut butter, jelly, and honey sandwich was somewhat confused upon opening the freezer to grab some ice.

"...Dude," he said. "What?"

What he saw was not the inside of a freezer, but the gateway to another dimension. It was strange, colorful, and fantastic. From the aerial view Sergio got, he was able to infer that it was populated by mobile plant peoples. They seemed to realize that, in fact, all you need //is// love.

Actually, no. Nevermind. He didn't see any of that. It was just a freezer. He grabbed a few chunks of ice and added them to the glass of tea he had set on the kitchen counter.

But as he turned around, the freezer opened by itself. From it extended a long, vine-like hand. It seemed to be inviting Sergio into another world-- one full of peace, happiness, more peace, and everlasting psychedelia.

Or maybe not. It just swung open because he forgot to close it. He walked back to the appliance and shut it for good this time.

However, Sergio took another glance at the glass. He counted the ice cubes in it: one, two, three, four, five, six.

"Dude..." he said to nobody, "You know, it would be //so// much more groovy if it were a prime." And, so, he pulled the freezer door open again. Unfortunately, it was not a freezer on the inside. Instead, it showed a tunnel leading to a room filled with tree bark, natural incense, and altruistic flower people.

This is actually true, excluding that part about the tree bark, natural incense, and altruistic flower people. It was merely a room. It was a small bedroom, in fact, containing a computer, a nineties radio, and a comfortable-looking bed clad in flannel sheets. Sergio would have seen all these things as well if it were not for the rodent face blocking a large percentage of the viewing hole.

The goat and the rat stared at each other for exactly long enough to establish awkwardness. Then, in an unusually non-squeaky voice, the rat asked, "Who are you and what are you doing in my cellar?"

"My name's Sergio, dude. And, uh..." Sergio tugged at his short goatee. "I'm totally sure I'm standing in my house."

"Sergio, eh? ...Wait, you live up the street from me. House 41, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well that's just great. I'm in 45. You might know me: Brenton Portabello."

"Oh. Hi, Brenton."

"...Yes, hello. I think we were //already// talking, though."

Sergio clumsily tried to reach down the tunnel with his right arm. Obviously, this compelled Brenton to ask a question.

"What in the world are you doing?"

Sergio ceased his stretching for a moment, then retreated his arm. "Sorry, dude. I've just got this instinctive handshake reflex."

"...Well, anyway. This obviously doesn't make any sense. The buildings don't even touch. How is there a tunnel that leads to your... Whatever room you're in?"

"Maybe they're spiritually linked? Like... their auras are the same wavelength or color?"

"No. That's ridiculous hippie propaganda. This //must// be some government cover up. And that means..." Brenton cracked a vicious grin that was, unfortunately, wasted on the disaffected Sergio. He did not reveal what he was thinking out loud, however, so I'll have to fill you in.

This was a cover-up for something. Brenton needed no explanation for this. It was a given. His intuition was all he needed to determine that. If Brenton were able to discover it, the government would be forced to keep it hidden. This is where things would get interesting. There was more money in the government than there are misfilled orders at a McDonald's. Thus, if they wanted Brenton to keep his disgusting rat trap-- er, mouth-- shut, they would be forced to wheel away some of their fortune.

Or they could just shoot him. Brenton didn't consider that.

Instead, he grinned devilishly at Sergio. "I have an idea. A most excellent idea indeed..."

Sergio gazed at him blankly. "What? You're lookin' kind of freaky, dude..."

Brenton hmphed and began crawling through the tunnel. He would have //tunneled// through the tunnel, but given that the tunnel was already complete it would have been both impossible and conspicuously redundant. However, out of the corner of his eye, Sergio saw Bern and Renzo walk into the house. He reflexively closed the freezer door, the inside of which slammed the tip of Brenton's nose. The tunnel was sealed, and sorely spiteful.

Sergio waved at Bern with the hand that was not holding the triple decker peanut butter and jelly sandwich about which you have probably forgotten entirely.

"Alright, Sergio," said Bern, "We need to have a meeting. I hate to say it, but something very odd is going on."

"Odd?" asked Renzo. "It's mo' than odd."

"Do you wanna eat your sandwich first?" Sergio handed the TDPBNJ to Bern.

"...As much as I'd like to say otherwise, whatever I need to say probably isn't as important as that sandwich." Bern's eyes were fixated upon the warm luscious layers of whole wheat bread that actually weren't very warm or luscious. He took his usual seat at the kitchen table, and Sergio sat across from him.

Renzo pulled up a stool from another part of the kitchen and seated himself there. He was subsequently compelled to introduce himself. "Yo. Name's Renzo, jus' so ya know."

I suppose I must praise Renzo for his incredible lack of social inhibitions here. He just said, to some hippie dude he barely even knew, who he was and what he stood for. Okay, maybe hew only //implied// the latter, but it still counts in my book. Which is a funny coincidence because this //is// my-- ...Sorry. Rambling again.

Anyway, in the next few moments, Bern ate a good bit of his sandwich, Renzo and Sergio familiarized themselves with each other just enough to allow me to avoid writing about it, and a thoroughly disgruntled rat knocked on the door. Sergio answered.

"Oh, Brenton! Dude... Man, I'm like, totally sorry about--"

Brenton grumbled and stepped inside.