Tears

ahh i guess i gotta explain this one
here's the part of a plot-less fic im writing slowly, its written in sort of a journal style...actually this is the one I've made myself the first person and Raph recently decided to stay with me and leave NY for good. But here's the part:

->What happened in the middle of the night was quite upsetting.
I came out a deep sleep after the cat flew off the bed and probably under it. I was quite groggy naturally so what might've scared the cat out didn't register.
I laid there for a few minutes until I heard something placed itself on my door frame. I was almost afraid to look when I heard a sniffle.
"Huh?" I opened my eyes spotting his shape in the doorway, backlit by a nightlight in the hallway. His arm was the object leaned up against the doorframe. "Raph?"
He said nothing but I could hear his breathing broken by what sounded like sobs, I saw his arm go up towards his face.
"Raph? What's wrong?" I asked him. But my answer was another sob. My heart about sank hearing that sound, it was like a silent weep. He wasn't one to advertise how he was feeling.
It was the one thing that crushed me, it hurt to hear him that upset.
The first time he cried it surprised me, we were in his room and he had just asked me if I'd prove that I still liked him after a long talk. He asked me to kiss him since he'd always been curious about it. It was no big deal to me so I did. To him, it was a big deal and he wept.

I automatically leapt off the bed, "What's wrong...please, tell me..what's the matter?" I came up to him, I could see he'd been crying for awhile, his cheeks glistened in the dim light.
I put my hand onto his cheek, "Tell me, what's going on?"
He held his breath for a minute then muttered, "Splinter."
"You miss him?"
"Uh huh."
In one way it was sweet, basically here is this grown man crying because he missed his father but also upsetting to myself. You'd never think he was this open about these kind of things. I pulled him towards me, letting him bury his face on my shoulder. I guess when I told him not to be afraid of himself earlier, he took the advice. I felt honored that he would completely tear down his barriers and open his heart letting me help him.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"What, why? "
"For wakin' ya up, I'm sorry."
"Raph, it's fine...it's ok to miss someone especially your father. I don't blame you, I lost my grandad a couple years ago and he was dad to me. We're in the same boat." I hugged him again, I didn't think he'd accept it a second embrace in less than five minutes but he did and returned it as before. "Why don't you sleep in here tonight?" I pulled him back after he calmed down a bit.
"In your room?"
"Well, I thought you might want to talk about it." Man I'm risking a lot. He spoke very little about the deeper issues, those that hurt the most.
"D..d'ya think it's ok? I mean..um..I'm a guy and your..a girl."
I couldn't help but laugh, he's funny even when he's miserable. "Raph! It's not like we're gonna do something." I took the excess of my sleeve from my sweatshirt I wore, and wiped his cheeks dry. "It's fine, we're friends right? I should at least be here to help ya."
"I jus' still feel kinda funny about it."
Well, if he was just gonna stand here and make excuses I'm gonna drag him into my room. "Come on you!" I led him to the bed, "Don't worry Raph I don't bite." He sat down and snuggled in.
I climbed under the blankets on my side. "So...talk to me."<--


if you havent looked yet, this is from "Conversations & Beyond" you can read it on ff.net ..it started out as some simple deal with me meeting all the guys...somewhere it continued on and it's turned into a plot-less ficcie. Some people have a problem with Raph being very emotional, they only think he's a real jerk and has no redeeming qualities at all. Well, in this he does. He's a jerk yeah but emotions are very deeply felt with him.
anyways..whatever