I'm really proud with how part two turned out. Xandir and Saya are having problems. Will they get through it?
EDIT: I've decided I'm gonna add detail to this. At first, I was just gonna write this for my friend and she already knows what Saya and Xandir look like. Since people like it, I've decided to do more with it.
Comments
Wow, quite cryptic and rather unexpected, I can't wait to read more!
pur plec loud Says:
awwwww Sayaaaaaa
I sure hope they get through it
Ness Says:
Don't. Stop. Writing.
Embeth Says:
I
LOVE
THIS
'Tis very emotional. Emotional is good. Makes people wanna read more. And congrats on the frontapge, love
Embeth Says:
GAH, almost forgot. Can I write a part from Xandir's POV? This makes me wanna write...
icarus Says:
you show some potential, but the pacing is a little clunky. it's like, first they're arguing and he can't even stand up without falling over and suddenly he's able to pull her to him with perfect ease.
the emotion is very good, but you should work on some things like descriptions. i don't know what either character looks like, or what their house looks like. or for that matter, what they SMELL like. xandir must reek of booze, so must their house, but i don't know that. it's what one of my old teachers used to call 'nudes floating in a void.'
a little more description and i think it could be much better. you do have talent, it's just very raw. work on excersizing it. do a lot of reading to help yourself out. avoid stephen king, though, because he also fails to describe ANYTHING. i would reccomend reading books like the princess bride, the golden compass or even just harry potter.
pur plec loud Says:
Picana Says:
Congratulations on ur feature!!!
scary8511 Says:
This is really good! Although i think that people who have actually experienced what the evils of alcohol can do to people (like i have) will get this and be able to picture it more than people who haven't.
Even though you don't seem to have described the characters and the setting much in this i didn't really seem to miss it, my mind filled in those things for me as the most important part of this is the interaction between the characters. I find the sign of good writing is when i really want to read more which i most definitely do with this!
Oh and congrats on the feature, i probably wouldn't have found this great piece of work if it wasn't for that!
Embeth Says:
Congrats on the feature, love
Just in case I'd forgotten to tell you.