The Rain Man

by Shoku

in Completed Works

The Rain Man

Low in a valley, before a great city,
There was a man to whom you'd give pity.
He had lost the most precious thing to him.
Now his world was shallow, his spirit dim.
His only love had left for another,
And then he could only think and shudder,
As he remembered all those happy years.
Then he cried, endlessly, a million sad tears.
When he died, his sad spirit rose in vain.
And now his sad tears, have become the rain.
> Alive

Description

Jun 28th 2007
Tags:
couplet human nature man rain romance
Views:
59
Comments:
6
Score:
7
Favorites:
5
This is something I wrote a really, REALLY, long time ago. I thought I would post it here, get some feedback. This is from grade nine english, and right now I am currently going from grade eleven to grade twelve.

*shudders* Scary...

Comments

Tinkiness Says:

yes well... you may shudder all you want. I happen to like it! It gives a very nice imagery and I sense an epic story behind it! (Or maybe I'm just under the influence of my current bg music... ) But the line "before a great city" reminds me of Rome or Ancient Greece~ =)

SnowFire Flame Says:

I like it x3

Ozzyturtle123 Says:

Beautiful.:'(

cellieruru Says:

Your poem /deserves/ to kick mine of the front page. ^-^ Nice imagery and excellent emotion...I'd say a few beats off on a line or two but all together a well-written poem. Good job!

ixi9003 Says:

Wow that is actually good

Rowan Says:

I really really like it. In some places it seems a bit off, but I couldn't write that well in ninth grade. *ignores the fact that she still can't write that well*