Emotional Escapade

by Asteria

in Completed Works

Emotional Escapade

The sounds of crashing waves and seagull cries echoed about. The sun was out, the clouds were floating, and the breeze blew by silently. It was a wondrous day - a beautiful day. But no matter how wonderful a day can be, it could always turn bad. And no matter how much light a place has, it will eventually turn dark.


A lone figure stood at the beach, facing the ocean - her eyes closed, listening to the crashing of the waves. Not only that but she also listened to the breeze. It was almost as though they were whispering to her - whispering secrets silently into her ear.


Her hair, as dark as midnight, flowed to the side. A simple white blouse covered the top half of her body while a simple white, ankle-length skirt covered her lower half of the body. On her neck was a chain of silver decorated by a crystal heart pendant. And on that heart pendant, the simple words 'forever' was engraved. Her head was slightly tilted upwards as a ghost of a smile rested on her lips.


Soft rustles of fabric reached her ears as a figure walked towards her, stopping about three feet away from her. Her eyes slowly opened to reveal beautiful chocolate brown eyes. She turned around to face this specific figure, her face betraying no emotion.


This figure had a mop of dark brown hair on top of his head. He whore a dark teal colored dress shirt accompanied by black dress pants and a black blazer. His posture was casual with his hands in his pant pockets. His dark brown eyes held no emotion as he stared into her eyes. His face, like hers, betrayed not a single emotion.


"You wanted to speak to me?" the man said. The woman nodded, her expression turned fragile.


"Break me," she responded. The man looked at her questioningly, raising an eyebrow in the process.


"I'm afraid I do not understand," he replied.


"Shatter me." Once again, a questioning stare.


"I'm afraid I still do not understand your terms of vocabulary."


"Make me cry," she said. Her voice rang out - hard, firm, and final. Silence proceeded afterwards. He looked at her, his eyes showed a whirl of emotions but his expression showed none.


"No." It was a final answer - one that requires no questions.


The man looked at the woman once more before he turned around and started to walk away. Unknown to the man, a tear escaped the woman's eyes. Of course, one wasn't enough. Soon after, the woman was crying - tears streaming down her face. Sadness lingered in her eyes as she turned around to face the ocean.


One step...


A second step...


A third...


Many followed after that and before she knew it, her body was half-way immersed in the ocean's water. She didn't stop there. She kept walking mindlessly. She looked back one last time, her vision blurred - either from tears or from the ocean water. She saw his blurred figure ... the figure that never looked back, the figure that kept walking, the figure that she'll always remember.


"Thank you and good bye ... Devin."


She had a life of a flower - one that withers after blooming. She had emotions of a glass vase - easy to break, easy to shatter. She had high hopes that were met with big disappointments.


Cheers to her. She died that day.
> 'Ohi!' by Asteria

Description

Apr 23rd 2007
Tags:
emotional narrative romance
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26
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2
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Emotional reality.




Preview Picture (c) Arist.
Make a deal out of how I credit things, keep them to yourself. I don't care about you. Boo-hoo.

Comments

peastew Says:

A few suggestions:

3rd paragraph, the word simple is repeated way too many times. Find other ways to say simple without repeating it.

4th and 5th paragraph, repetition of the words "no emotion" detracts from what you're saying. Even substituting the word "emotionless" would help break it up some.

"wore" instead of "whore" in 5th paragraph

"I'm afraid I do not understand your terms of vocabulary" ...sounds awkward to me. I have a hard time picturing someone say that phrase.

"to walk awake" change to "to walk away"

4th from bottom, you don't need to repeat blurred twice. I really like the last line of this paragraph though!

Now, these suggestions are to make your work better. Please do not get upset by any suggestions. Remember, this piece is yours, and it is up to you to edit it as you see fit!

I think it's a little mysterious, but I enjoyed it. :)

Ozzyturtle123 Says:

Wow, that was amazing. But sad.