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House of Evil - Chapter 2: Last Meal
Chapter: 2 Last Meal
They all looked around the room they were in and nobody was there. The room was beautiful with statues that were well worth over 50 grand each with a beautiful chandelier in the center of the room. The room was very clean. There was no dust or even a single cob web heightening their belief that someone lived in the house. Five double doors were set on five equally sized walls making the room shaped like a perfect pentagon. A black marble floor was set with gold stone outlining a pentagram. Each point led to the center of a double door. Unbeknownst to them, Barry and Chrissy were listening in the next room.
Barry: "I recognize those voices! Its our friends, the ones that were supposed to meet us in the woods before we got attacked by those things."
Chrissy:" Yeah I think it is I am suprised they survived but wheres John."
Barry: "He's probably dead from those dogs that attacked us outside. We'd better get to them before they leave the room."
Both Barry and Chrissy ran through the double doors reuniting them with there friends.
Sarah: "Holy crap! Its you guys! How did you survive those dogs?
Chrissy: " I could ask the same for you."
Chris: "This isnt a time for us to relax. We should look for the owners of this house. Have you found anyone?
Barry: "No we hid in that room we just came out of ever since we ran in here. Uh, where's John?"
Mike: "He got eaten by those things outside. There was nothing we could do.
Barry: I'm sorry. He was such a nice guy too.
All of a sudden the left door flew open and a man entered. He was wearing a black robe with a blood red lining. The man's face was burned very badly . The skin on his face sagged and was still scabbed from a fire.
"My name is Salazar," he said in a very deep and dark voice. "Tell me why are you in my house."
Diego: "Please Sir, we were attacked by these dogs outside your house. We just ask for your phone so we can call the cops."
Salazar: "Oh, we should call the police." I'll go and do that. But first come relax in the dining room."
They all proceeded into the dining room where candles and plates lay on the table.
Salazar: "Just relax. I'll be right back.
As he left they all talked about Salazar, wondering if they should trust him.
Barry: "We have no other choice. We should just relax and rely on him."
Chris: "I agree with Barry on this one. We don't have a choice.
Salazar came back and with a cart full of food and drinks. The food was strange and unfamiliar to them but it tasted very good.
Salazar: "I called the cops. They said they will be here in the morning so relax and have a bite."
Sarah: "Why so long?"
Salazar: "Because we're out in the middle of nowhere. The cops are far from here."
Everyone started to eat and it tasted so very good. Every bite melted in their mouths. It was as if a professional chef cooked it.
Mike: "This is good, Salazar. Want some for yourself?"
Salazar: "No, no thanks. I am fine right now. Perhaps later."
Diego: " I'll be right back. I have to use the bathroom."
Salazar: "I'll come with you to show you where the bathroom is.
They continued to eat until all of the food was gone. Salazar came back but Diego was not with him.
Salazar: "Your friend Diego went to bed. If you want, I can show you all to you're rooms.
Barry: "Maybe we all should try to go to sleep. The police will be here in the morning."
End Chapter. chapter2
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Comments
Dawn Says:
awesome
Nerdysimmer Says:
Very nice! Great job on the story so far.
Smiling Devil Says:
All right, some serious critique time:

.

I'll read the next chapter soon
!
First off: The concept is good, I like the idea. So that's definitly a pro!
But: (Awful word isn't it?;D)
- Punctuation, most people hate bad punctuated writings, even if they don't notice there are , and . missing, they still refuse to read on. It's better then the first chapter, but we all just love comma's!
- "Sarah: "Holy crap! Its you guys! How did you survive those dogs?
Chrissy: " I could ask the same for you."
Chris: "This isnt a time for us to relax. We should look for the owners of this house. Have you found anyone?
Barry: "No we hid in that room we just came out of ever since we ran in here. Uh, where's John?"
Mike: "He got eaten by those things outside. There was nothing we could do.
Barry: I'm sorry. He was such a nice guy too. " <--- The conversation is good, it'll look more like a set-up for a movie then a story if they keep on talking like this. I'll show you an example from what I mean:
Sara was startled by Barry and Chrissy running through the doors, "holy crap! It's you guys! How did you survive those dogs?" Chrissy was a bit agitated by this obviously blunt and a bit stupid question. "I could ask the same for you..."
It gives more story like feeling to it. Though my example is poorly written
- The writing is for my taste a bit... too stiffy, try to freshen it up with a few more descriptions about how the rooms look like or how Salazar looks like. That would make it more interesting to read^^.
That was the last point... I hope you find this usefull!