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Message in DOTWWD
I'm too far over the edge to write tonight. It's late and I've only eaten a ham and cheese croissant, two cups of coffee and a bottle of milk today. I'm depressed over my past, elated over my depression, and aroused over nothing at all just to keep myself from admitting defeat.
The milk has somehow gotten into my skin because the milk and I- we're the same color. We're both a little clammy and a little cold and a little clumpy and we both clog arteries..
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Morning and mother sat herself down in the hallway outside my room. I went out to ask her what was the matter and she said that he was snoring. I could hear him in the hallway. She seemed irritated with me so I went back up to my bunk and mom fell asleep sitting cross legged, hugging her pillow.
The toddler cried in the other room but she didn't hear him for her ear plugs. It's always been this way. I get up to see the baby and when I walk in he only looks at me so I leave again and he calls out "Mommy!"
Annoyed I pass my mother on the way back to my room and her ear plugs pop out with a sucking noise "What's up?" She hears the toddler and runs to get him.
I finally drift again but I wake up to the toddler screaming "Please don't kiss! Don't kiss." Like my parents would do that anyway. But then who would want a dirty man like my father kissing my mother anyway? The kid has a healthy fear.
My hands jerk on their own from cramps. They're small and undersized for my age. They've always been small and delicate, what one girl called "artists hands" and she showed me her own pudgy hands and said "these are why I can't draw like you." They're something I'm proud of but I abuse them on the keyboard.
The sun is up now but I drift off one more time anyway. Off to weird dreams and strange places and wonderful people.
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