Piece Of A Murder

High-burgeoning elate Cortez
that brought Thermopylae success
by loosening all the chariot ties
and plucking out the horses' eyes.

Good-natured ear, another eye
Merlin's wry
consorter!
Laugh at the moon and at our fall;
deride the loot, and take it all.

Loyal to friends and to yourself,
most loyal to your offspring's health;
appreciant
and supplicant--
ignore the crown and share the wealth!

Child-safe laughing Empousae!
Regale the forest with dismay;
Dethrone the eagle, scare the hawk,
And dismiss them with your roundelay!

Kinsman of the lately dead!
Brought the hangman crusts of bread--
spat a copper at him and
"That's for all the meals!" you said!

Description

Feb 1st 2007

Tags:: crow human nature murder philosophical
Views:: 60
Comments:: 4
Score:: 0
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Yes, I DO get too philosophical over the ancient Norse views of the crow. And yes, I DO idolize it too much. However did you notice?

This piece is horrendous. While I am completely happy with the choice of words, once you've read it aloud three times or more the rolling of the tongue (or rather lack thereof) is hideous. This. Is. Sucktitude. Any suggestions/critiques/flames would be heavily appreciated.

Yes, I am aware of the following:

1) Thermopylae was not only LOST by the Greeks, but the Persians DIDN'T EVEN HAVE CHARIOTS. I know this. I used false history on purpose for that stanza, and if you can't get the reason why then don't bother.

2) I am aware several words used in here are not found in spellcheck. Consider them my own unique 'seasoning'.

YOU MAY STOP READING ANYTHING COHESIVE...NOW.

Comments

GoLdMaGeAcE Says:

lolololol, just like all of your other pieces, nobody can give you a good, hard critique, I've noticed.
<shrug> Nobody wants to try , and for me to attempt would be just plain old retarded, as I've already stated the only thing I find (distantly, and perhaps not even an error) wrong with it.